Duets Page #2

Thanks. Um...

Does anybody know where

the Everglades conference suite is?

Everglades?

This is Houston.

Oh, God.

I thought

I was in Orlando.

Hi. You called a cab?

Why do we

always get you?

[Laughs]

Um, I don't know.

I'll tell you why.

'Cause nobody else

will take these jobs.

Released criminals are not notorious

for heavy tipping, are they?

Ten bucks,

flat rate.

What do you keep

lookin' at, kid?

- Nothing. I wasn't looking at anything.

- Don't give me, " Nothing."

I know who you are,

and you know me.

- You're Miss Gahagan, aren't you?

- Right.

Miss Gahagan, your wonderful, caring,

nurturing third grade teacher...

of the Chatsworth Avenue School.

Look at me, kid.

You're Billy Hannon, right?

- Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am, I am.

- I remember you.

You were one of

my biggest underachievers.

[Snickers]

How come you're driving a cab?

Actually, this is my own cab.

I own it.

Well, I own half.

- You own half a cab? Wow.

- Yes.

I'll bet Donald Trump is

lookin' over his shoulder.

You're just bustin'to know

what I was cracked for.

- No, I really... No, I really don't.

- Shoplifting.

They caught me

at the Grand Union...

with a pound of smoked turkey

and two pairs of pantyhose in my crotch.

The bird had one of those, uh...

Goddamn. What do they call it?

Metal things in it,

set off the detector.

Detectors in food stores.

What a society.

And I don't even want to think

of the number of infants...

who swallowed those things

and are choking to death on them.

[Sighs]

What a world.

- Eat a bite of turkey,

you go straight to hell.

- Right.

Yeah, I guess it's hard to make

ends meet in the retirement sector.

Oh, I do okay. I just steal stuff

to f*** with people.

- You ever steal anything, Billy?

- No, ma'am, I wouldn't do that.

No, no, of course.

You're a basic underachiever.

As always, too scared

of getting caught and judged.

You were more, uh,

the mystical sort.

You were going to be

a priest, if I recall.

Didn't you graduate

from Loyola?

No, no. It just, uh...

It just wasn't my destiny.

Destiny? [Laughs]

What a crock of sh*t!

[Continues Laughing]

Miss Gahagan,

why don't you take this?

You need this

more than I do.

And listen to me

for a second, okay?

I am not an underachiever.

I'm not.

I am just trying to achieve something

different than most people I know.

Oh, and what is that?

- Harmony.

- [Laughs]

You're a riot, Billy.

You're kind of pathetic,

but you're a riot.

Let me give you

some advice, Father.

The world is a sewer,

and we're all livin' in hell.

The sooner you can accept that,

the sooner you'll be able

to get on with your life.

So long.

[Newscaster On TV] It's not often we

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