Du Barry Was a Lady

Back in the 18th century

when romance was in bloom

And Louis XV wasn't just a sofa in a room

A simple little country girl

who knew a thing or two

Got very, very chummy

with His Majesty, King Lou

The people disapproved of her

in no uncertain tone

Still, they'd agree that Madam D

was a power behind the throne

Behind her back, they called her names

On that we will not tarry

But to her face, with elegant grace

They said Madame Du Barry

Madame, Madame

They said Madame

Du Barry

Perhaps she was

a gorgeous little hussy from Bordeaux

But there's one thing

we positively absolutely know

Du Barry was a lady

No matter what they may say

Du Barry was a lady

The fairest gal of her day

She had to pull no strings

for the King's blessing

He fell in love with her French dressing

To marry this Du Barry

was every nobleman's goal

And put them all together

they'd fill the Hollywood Bowl

I couldn't tell you how, but she got along

And if she was no lady

fifty million Frenchmen were wrong

Though she started out in squalor

And though her past was shady

You can bet your bottom dollar

She ended up a lady

Du Barry

Du Barry was a lady

Oh, Rami, isn't she wonderful?

Just another female woman.

Take away her eyes, her nose, her mouth

and her ears and what have you got?

A blank expression.

She's wonderful.

- You never look at me like that.

- You never look like that.

Louis, if you're not doing anything

after work, I'd like to take you home.

No. Not after last night.

Oh, you could never be happy here.

Please marry me

and let me take you away from all this.

And after we're married

and settled down in our little love nest,

maybe the stork'd come to our house

and bring us a lot of little...

Cigars, cigarettes, chewing gum.

Du Barry was a lady

Oh, what a lady was she

The men still raved about her

the last time I saw Paris

With wealthy knights she was chummy...

Please be very careful with this.

It's kolinsky.

Would you give me a check, please?

That's May Daly.

- Who?

- May Daly.

That's May Daly.

It doesn't matter now how she got along

If she was double-dating

Du Barry was okay

And if her life was shady

Well, who are we to say?

But if she was no lady maybe twenty

- Thirty

- Forty

Fifty million Frenchmen were wrong

Madame, you are about to meet

a handsome man.

- Not too young, not too old.

- About my age?

I see both of you meeting

in a secluded, moonlit, romantic nightclub.

But I've got to polish up the crystal ball.

Have you got a soft, slightly used $5 bill?

- Do you think this will be soft enough?

- It will have to do.

You will meet this man.

He will be wearing a tuxedo,

eyeglasses and some hair.

This is the man, your soul mate.

Marry him, madam, and you marry her.

$5, please.

That's a good one on you, Swami.

We were married last night.

- Weren't we, Mr. McGeehan?

- McGowan.

Oh, yeah. McGowan.

Marry Mr. McQuinn.

He is so charming, so debonair.

He reminds me of that well-known actor.

You know, the one who makes love

to beautiful girls like Hedy Lamarr.

You know who I mean.

Hedy.

My name is Pepe le Coco.

And I come from the Kasbah, Hedy,

the Kasbah.

You know what is the Kasbah?

It is right next to the delicatessen.

Hedy, I love you, I adore you.

I love your visage. I love your face.

I love your eyes,

and your lips and your hair, Hedy.

Let me run through your hair

barefoot.

Hedy, I love you, I adore you.

Look across the sea and what do you see?

Paris and the white way,

and the Rue de Montmartre,

and the Champs lyses.

Hedy.

And this one thing, this one question,

runs through my mind again and again.

And it wants to know this one thing,

this one question, this one thing.

And my temples throb,

and my... doesn't know what to say,

my throat clenches tight

and my heart beats faster and faster.

Faster and faster beats my heart.

And it wants to know this one thing,

this one question, this one thing.

Will you go with me

to the high school prom?

- Louis, old pal, I'm glad to see you.

- Hello.

- Louis, I got bad news for you.

- What?

The cook out there just said

you were the tightest guy in the place.

But I stuck up for you.

I told him you had a heart as big as Texas.

- The cook said that?

- Yeah.

And he bet me 5 bucks

I couldn't borrow 5 bucks from you.

- Oh, he did, did he?

- Yeah. How do you like a guy like that?

Well, wait a minute. When do I get it back?

Just as soon as I see the cook.

Oh, now do you think

I'm as dumb as I look?

I'll give it back to you Saturday.

This is the cook's day off.

How sure can I be

I'm gonna get it back Saturday?

Just as sure as she's alive.

Oh, no. I gotta have better proof than that.

Look, Louis, I don't want

this dough for myself.

I want to spend it on someone.

Someone we both admire.

May Daly.

- You got a date with May Daly?

- Nobody else.

She'll turn you down

like she did last night.

May was tired last night.

She went straight home.

Oh, she did, huh?

Hey, I'll tell you what.

If May goes out with you tonight,

you don't have to return the 5 bucks.

But if she don't, you owe me $10.

Are you kidding?

Sucker.

You're wrong, Rami. He did lend it to me.

- Fly specks.

- Hey.

That guy's a friend of yours, isn't he?

I, Rami, have only one true friend,

Baldor the Omnipotent.

The voice from the beyond.

But I've got to admit,

me and the kid is pretty chummy.

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