Drunk Wedding Page #2

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You look amazing.

Runner up, Miss Cuba.

Gotta love it.

- You have no bulge.

- This is perfect.

It's not a vagina, guys.

- My man, you know what?

- It's a...

Yeah!

Poor Ivan.

- I'm gonna party!

- Oh, my God.

Honey, where's your phone?

It's in my collar pocket.

- Stupid move.

- Well, I didn't do it on purpose, Daphne.

Jon, seriously,

how did this strange person

beat me out for best man?

- Really? Really?

- You never had a chance!

I had a lunchbox in middle school

with Beavis on it.

It is a spitting image

of this guy right here.

Do it, do it.

It's really good.

Yeah, yeah, it's... Oh, yeah.

Baby, they're here, they're here!

Hey!

- Mrs. Carr. Mrs. Carr?

- Hi.

Good.

Right there.

- Mr. Bloom, it's amazing, sir!

- It's gorgeous.

It's f***ing paradise.

Let's cut the crap, you guys.

I know you're nothing but trouble.

I know your reputation.

Whenever you guys are around,

bad things happen.

I know about Nassau,

I know about the motorcycle incident,

- I know about the fire at Sugarbush.

- That wasn't our fault.

I saw the police report, Linc.

You know, Elissa's my little princess.

- She's great. Beautiful girl.

- Fell from heaven.

And this Wedding's gonna be perfect.

And I don't want you jackasses

to do anything to ruin it.

Mr. Bloom?

He got nicer.

- We're home, boys.

- What?

This is what I'm talking about.

This is crazy stuff.

- That is so...

- You know what? Stop it.

- No, no.

- Stop it.

- We are staying here.

- I know.

- Oh, my God.

- That is just not real.

Can I get a minute,

and then I'll take these upstairs?

You forgot one of the bags

down at reception.

Thanks for doing that, baby.

Guy just tried to sell me hookers.

Getting that good stuff, you know.

Here's to the end of a long career.

To my man, Seabiscuit.

There were girls in high school

that never knew his real name.

Do not say that name around Elissa.

- Give me that.

- Okay.

You really done everything

you've wanted to do?

Dude, my life now is so much better.

That's bullshit.

Did you ever bang twins, you know?

You ever f***ed in a boat?

You ever had a golden shower?

Golden shower?

Some chick peeing on you?

Hey, it's all about

having life experiences, guys.

Yeah, Jon, have you ever

seduced a vagrant?

Do not rob yourself

of life experiences, Jon.

Cal will back me up on this.

I'm sure you could find

plenty of down-on-their-luck vagrants

in this seaport town.

Let's just have a great time.

F***ing Phil.

What? Come on.

- He's sweet.

- Okay.

No, he is a motherfucking p*ssy.

- Let me tell you something, guys.

- I don't know how I feel about that.

- Let me tell you something.

- Okay. What?

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