Drop Dead Fred Page #2

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- Dont step on that carpet. I had it shampooed.

- Yes, Mother.

Take your things upstairs.

- I made up your bed.

- Oh.

Oh? Thats all you say to me?

- Thank you, Mother.

- Thats a good girl.

- Boo! Hello, snot face!

- Argh!

Yeugh! What happened to you? Look at you.

Youre all older. Youre even uglier.

Ugh! Im sorry I'm going to have to be sick

all over you. Lie down. Hang on.

- Wheres all the dolls?

- Drop Dead Fred.

Where is the dolls?

I want to play with the... Aha! The dolls.

Hello, Jemima. Hello, Angelique. "Hello. "

Youre going to die. Ah!

Mr Pooh.

"Hello. " You die, too.

"No, no, no!" Yes, yes, yes.

"My intestines. Not my intestines!"

D- E-D.

I must be dreaming.

Wheres the fire truck and the rest of the toys?

Theyre gone.

Im grown up.

- Grown up?

- Uh-huh.

Grown up?

Great.

That means theres a load

of grown-up things to smash.

Come on!

- Where are we going?

- Play time!

Whee!

Who put that there?

I forgot to give you something.

Ha-ha-ha!

Where is it? Come on.

There must be some here somewhere.

Ah! Here it is.

Mind your backs.

Ooh! Careful.

Ive got some dog poo right here.

Dog poo, dog poo, lovely, lovely dog poo

dog poo on the chair

All along the side, all up here,

lovely, lovely smelly dog poo

- Elizabeth?

- Yeah, its me, Mother.

- Im just getting a glass of water.

- Uh-huh.

Well, mind the carpet.

Hey, snot face, look. Ink.

Lets write something on the carpet.

Lets write, "Mother sucks. "

No. Wait a minute. Ive a better idea.

Lets play a game.

- A game?

- Yeah, a game, like we used to, in the old days.

A game. OK. Great. But not dolls.

Not dolls cos were grown-ups now.

Not dolls. How about hide-and-seek?

Great. I love hide-and-seek.

Great. Maybe you should give me that inkwell first.

Sure. Here.

Catch.

Nice catch. OK. Hide your eyes

and count to a million.

Im going to hide in a place

where youll never find me. Bye-bye.

Four, five...

What am I doing?

What am I doing?

Oh, boy.

I dont know what to say.

- I didnt want anybody to walk on my carpet.

- Yeah, I know.

But here I am, scrubbing away at what

can only be described as dog mess.

Honestly, youre not even back for a day

and youre behaving like a five-year-old.

Mother, do you remember when I was little

I had this friend? He was make-believe.

No.

Dont you remember I was

the only one who could see him?

No, I dont remember Drop Dead Fred at all.

Morning.

So whos for snot flicking?

I hid all night in the stupid garden shed

and you didnt even bother coming to look for me.

Oh, my God.

Is it? It is.

The megabitch. Let me at her!

- Is this for me?

- Get me an axe.

No, get me a chainsaw.

Im going to slice her into tiny pieces.

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