Doug Stanhope: Deadbeat Hero Page #2

Synopsis: Doug Stanhope performs at Seattle's Comedy Underground
Director(s): Shawn Amos
 
IMDB:
8.4
NOT RATED
Year:
2004
95 min
179 Views


and waiting in lines, and screened, and searches

it's everything but looking in your ass, that's the

only difference beetween that and a prison search...

And he goes through that,

he gets through the front gate and they go:

"We accidentally oversold this flight"

"We are looking for volunteers who will sit another night

in Memphis, cause we goofed and oversold the flight."

If I had a used car,

and I sold it to three different people,

and I took cash, they all show

in the same day to pick it up...

"I'm looking for two volunteers who'll wait till I...

I accidentaly oversold this piece of sh*t Dodge Omni, I'm..."

You f***in' kick me in the balls,

I would be doing jail time for fraud.

Maybe someone goes through all that.

And he's about to tear up the learings[??] to the pigs that

tells him to sit up straight there and take-off,

cause he's had enough, but no.

He has a few some Vodka Collins first and

chills out just enough to let her live one more day.

How many times has alcohol been the hero?

How many highway fatalities have been

caused because of the .08DY law?

Well, everyone is so paranoid now.

That one f***ing dick neck like you

has two light beers at a happy hour...

But you're so paranoid cause of the DY law...

You're driving home, you're not even looking at the road.

You just staring in the rearview mirror, looking for cops.

You don't even notice you hit

a kid on a bike in a crosswalk.

You can't find the numbers on sh*t like that, right?

I think a drug dealer sells me drugs and I go hay wire

and fucks up, now they blame the drug dealer.

I think you hit a kid on a bike in a crosswalk,

looking for cops, you should blame the cops.

It's only two types of people who are against drugs.

There's people who've never done drugs.

And people who really sucked at doing drugs.

And everyone else has to suffer.

That's why the whole medicinal marijuana thing.

I mean had done some benefits for them but...

First of all, I'm not a pot smoker.

I've tried it, gave a plenty of opportunities.

It didn't work for me.

If it'll works for you, have had it.

But just to argument where,

it's a pro-drug argument...

But the fact that they have to say:

"This is just about medicine."

No, if couldn't have a pro-drug argument,

start the argument where it starts:

"It's my f***ing business. F*** off."

I mean, you don't put that on the sign,

you gotta use tactic stuff that I don't have.

That's why I'm not in charge of any of those things.

But they have to do it.

The reason it boils down to old f***'s vote.

And that's the problem with this country:

old fucks vote and we don't.

We have sh*t to do.

Old fucks have nothing to do but judge you and vote.

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Doug Stanhope

Douglas Stanhope (born March 25, 1967) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, and podcast host. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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