Doug Stanhope: Before Turning the Gun on Himself Page #2

 
IMDB:
8.1
TV-MA
Year:
2012
67 min
160 Views


Your face.

Did anyone ever tell you that

You have a keen eye for the rich

And famous?

You should really go in that

Direction.

I think you have a natural gift

To be an ambulance chaser to the

Stars.

You f***ing would step over a

Dozen dying winos in the street

Just to get to lindsay lohan's

Bedside to offer unsolicited

Advice to charlie sheen via

Twitter as a medical

Professional is wont to do."

Yeah, yeah, dr. Drew pinsky,

Celebrity rehabilitation expert.

It's like if I were a

Gynecologist, but I've found

That I--I specialize in really

Young, hot...

Shaved...

Stinkless p*ssy.

That's where I found--I just

Had a knack.

It was like a gift from god,

Just teenage norwegian p*ssy is

All I really work with anymore

Because I wanna give back.

I wanna give of myself, you

Puddle of sh*t.

And what they don't show you,

When they've--they're treating

This.

Remember this is a deadly

Disease.

Addiction is--here it comes

Again, watch.

Ah, ah.

This might look like a choice,

But it's not.

This is a deadly affliction.

Mmm, mmm.

There's no such thing as

Addiction.

I mean on the most minor levels,

There are--if you're a hardcore

Substance abuser, there is a

Physical addiction where you

Might need a medical detox for a

Few days to--so you don't

Seizure up and swallow your

Tongue.

After that, it's done.

Then it's a choice.

It's right back to a f***ing

Choice.

(shudders)

whoo!

and there's no such thing as

Addiction.

There's only things that you

Enjoy doing more than life,

(audience cheers and applauds)

And that's-- it's not just drugs

And alcohol, f***ing sex

Addiction,

Eat too much pie, but, yeah--

It's what you wanna do.

And what they don't show you in

Any of these shows is--what are

You-- what do you do with

These-- you have all these shows

Exploiting shitheads.

You know, "intervention."

"intervention's" an hour-long

Show and 52 minutes of it is

Some f***ing stumblebum being

Followed around by a camera,

Shitting his pants, puking in

Trashcans and losing his job

Because that's fun to watch.

It really is.

It's easily exploitable.

That's why cigarettes--they're

Far more dangerous than anything

That they show, like an

Intervention, but you don't see

That episode.

There's not the--the cigarette,

Because no one wants to watch

52 minutes of a guy going...

(laughter)

"it's killing me."

So they have to get the

Stumblebum just, you know,

Shitting his pants and knocking

Over the turkey at his aunt

Nancy's house on thanksgiving

Morning because you're trying to

Drink her mouthwash because it's

Fun to watch.

But what they don't ever show

You is the cure.

If these shows are supposed to

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Doug Stanhope

Douglas Stanhope (born March 25, 1967) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, and podcast host. more…

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