Doing Time on 'The Longest Yard'

Genre: Short
12 min

Paul Crewe.

Crewe, you might remember,

was the only man ever to be indicted

on federal racketeering charges

for shaving points

in a professional football game,

although it was never fully proven.


- Hello.

- Do not get one more scratch

on my car, or I will slit your throat.

See, that's our problem, sweetie.

You care about this car

more than you do us.

And how'd you even know

there was a scratch on this baby?

Because I am watching you on TV,

as is the whole country.

Once again,

you are proving to everyone

what a worthless piece of shit

you are.

Well, I hope they like this.

Hey, Lena!

I think we should start

seeing other people!

I think I'm in love.

Good news, boys,

I didn't spill my beer.

Without question, Crewe's five-year

federal probation for point-shaving

has been severely violated tonight.

The future of this once-great football

star looks very dark indeed.

Long way from the big city,

huh, superstar?

Staying with the times

around here, huh?

Ain't she beautiful?

Home sweet home, boy.

Get on your feet.

You're one lucky son of a bitch,


- Is that right?

- That's right.

See, the warden loves his football.

Fact, he was on the winning side

of your little thing.

- Well, tell him congratulations.

- But I wasn't.

Welcome to Allenville.

Thank you, sergeant.

I'll take it from here.

- Afternoon, inmate Crewe.

- Yeah.

Come on. Warden wants to see you.

Let's do it.

Move it.

I used to play

a little college ball myself.

Down at the University of Miami.

I bet a lot of your old teammates

are locked up in here.

No inmates from my playing days.

Couple of guards, though.

See, we got us a fine

prison-guard league down here.

It's like a company softball team.

Now, the warden...

...he's gonna ask you to help out.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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