Dirty Grandpa Page #3

I read about

where in my senior year

I have to f*** a freshman,

an alumni,

and a professor.

- Where did you read that?

- In my diary.

- Where I wrote it...

- Yeah.

He used to take the most

beautiful portraits

without using any filters

or Photoshop...

I've read your diary.

He was amazing.

My God, you did?

- Yeah.

- Did you like it?

You guys aren't listening.

I'm gonna go say hi to him.

- Okay?

- Slut...

I hope you don't get

Tommy Hilfingered.

That was really late,

but it still counts.

Just like

all my periods...

- Ew.

- What?

Hi. How are you?

Good. Here you go,

you can keep the change.

No, no, no.

I'm not... You...

Okay.

Guys?

Guys, listen to me.

What?

- Let's go.

- B*tch, what?

- Shut the f*** up! Go!

- My God!

You all set?

Yeah, I just gave my money

to the other waitress, sorry.

There is no

other waitress.

I'm the only one who's

ever worked here. Ever...

Sh*t! The f***ing piece

of sh*t car never starts!

Hey!

Hey!

God, he's like

a Mitt Romney Terminator.

Excuse me!

Sorry, my shift is actually over, so...

Sorry...

- No way.

- What?

I know you.

No.

Yeah, I do. You were

in my photography class.

You took all those

landscapes. Right?

Shadia.

Yeah. Shadia.

Holy sh*t,

you're Shadia?

- Yeah. Shadia.

- Shadia.

Jamba!

What the f***!

Shadia. It means

"singer" in Arabic.

Or in ancient Arabic,

"al-munshida

alati tunadi lel-mei."

Or, "she whose name

calls others to water."

That's actually right.

Shadia,

this is my...

Dr. Richards. I teach history

at the University of Georgia.

You're a professor?

Yeah. Why? You looking

for some extra credit?

Jason and I are doing

a story on the Middle East.

He's a photographer

for Time magazine.

You know, I lost my virginity

at my pop-pop's bingo night.

My name's Lenore.

"The rare

and radiant maiden

"whom the angels

named Lenore"

"Quoth the Raven,

'Nevermore'"

Diplomaticos?

Hey, you know your cigars.

What are you,

half Cuban or something?

Actually, I am, Professor.

- The bottom half.

- Okay.

- Okay, yeah, we're heading out.

- Yeah.

Good to see you. We're going

to Daytona Beach for the week.

My God, and we

should have been there

three f***ing hours ago,

so let's go, b*tches!

Holy sh*t.

What?

Nothing.

You're just really gay.

Am I?

Thanks, Captain Gaydar.

Jesus! You know,

I'm also black, right?

Yeah, I know.

That's funny too.

So you guys wanna tag

along for a bit maybe?

Party some babies

into us?

- Absolutely not!

- Absolutely not!

Why?

We have

- a very important tee time.

- Of course you do.

And do you also have to take a

nap before you play Mahjong?

- No, it's shuffleboard.

- Shuffleboard.

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