Dirty Grandpa Page #2

Dad says we should take 75 to 95.

It's more direct.

Dad's full of sh*t.

Grandpa, are you

sure you're okay?

Thanks for doing this,

by the way.

Those fuckheads

down at the DMV

took my goddamn

license away

because of these f***ing

cataracts in my eye.

But I can still

hit the sh*t

out of a golf ball,

that's for sure!

I made a tee time

for us in Florida

for this afternoon.

You can use your

grandmother's lady clubs,

they're right there

by the front door.

Okay.

All right,

you ready?

I thought the plan was

to have breakfast here?

That's your breakfast.

Now let's go get in that

giant labia you drove up in

and get the f***

out of here.

You sure I should be driving

with this, Grandpa?

Don't worry,

if you spill it,

this giant tampon we're

driving in should soak it up.

Just finishing

a work email

for the Steinhart

file...

So you're a lawyer at your

dad's firm now, is that right?

That's right,

and Meredith is too.

You know,

her dad is one of

the managing

partners there, so...

- I know, that's...

- Yeah.

It couldn't have

worked out better.

Because it's just

that I remember

when you were

in high school,

you told me how much you

wanted to be a photographer,

travel the world.

That sort of thing.

You remember when

I got you that subscription

to Time magazine?

Yeah, I used to be into

photography, but...

I mean, with Dad being

at the firm, pfft,

it just made

so much more sense

to focus on

a college curriculum

that stressed

the law school track.

I mean, I love what I do,

Grandpa.

Being a corporate lawyer

is awesome,

I get to handle

SEC compliance...

No sh*t!

Yeah. Yeah.

You handle SEC compliance?

LP agreements.

Man, I didn't know that.

LLC agreements.

You're shitting me!

Being a corporate lawyer,

it's got its upsides.

You know what

I'd rather do?

What?

I'd rather let Queen Latifah

sh*t in my mouth

from a f***ing

hot air balloon.

That's me. I'm gonna hit the

liquor store over there,

get some more

of the creature.

Meet you back

at the Dildomobile in five.

You're paying the check,

Alan Douche-owitz.

Where do I know that guy from?

He looks so familiar.

He looks like Abercrombie

f***ed Fitch.

Yeah,

while J.Crew J'd-off.

Sh*t! No, you guys, he was...

It's so funny.

He was my lab partner

in photography class,

freshman year.

No sh*t!

He's a Florida alum?

Lenore, you can totally

finish the trifecta.

My God, I already

have alum, remember?

I f***ed that crying

divorced guy, Tony.

- With the big balls.

- Right. Yeah.

- In the porta-potty.

- Yeah.

- At the tailgate.

- Yeah.

I need a professor.

Wait, I'm sorry.

What's the trifecta again?

It's this thing

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