Dirty Girl Page #3

Hey.

Sh*t.

[Up-tempo song plays]

[Man] Peggy, what are you doing?

[Laughter]

Are you crazy? That dog would kill you.

[All chuckling]

- Oh, hi!

- There she is!

We saved you some. It's on the stove.

Your mother and I would like

to speak with you about something.

Where's Mindy?

Get out of my room!

- You can be Heather.

- [Danielle] This is bullshit.

I mean, you can marry

this Mormon loser if you like,

but there is no way I'm sharing

my room with this little twat!

All right now, that's

going to be rule number one.

Anyone caught swearing

under this roof

is going to get their

mouth washed out with soap.

- F*** you!

- Danielle.

- Don't test me.

- What's a twat?

You see? Now that's

what I'm talking about.

Evil has a unique way of spiraling.

A twat is an ugly,

flatulent, hairless vagina!

- I'm not going to warn you again.

- OK now, Ray, Danielle.

Have you ever heard of

the celestial kingdom, Danielle?

That's a magical place in the sky

where we'll live for all eternity.

- That's very good, honey.

- So?

Well, we want you

there with us, Danielle.

What are you talking about?

After your mother and I are

married, I'm going to adopt you.

- The hell you are!

- The hell I'm not.

It's the only way for you to get in.

We don't want you cast into...

...the outer darkness.

How's that different from any other day?

Think about it, Danielle.

You've always wanted a daddy.

- I have a daddy.

- A real daddy.

You know what? I'm going to take

this family on a retreat this weekend.

- [Sue-Ann] Oh, wow! That's great!

- A little fishing, a little hot cocoa.

- Help you get used to the idea.

- You love cocoa.

I'm not going anywhere. Me and Clarke

are going to work on our project.

Well, family first.

Tough love time, Danielle.

You don't want us,

- we don't want you either.

- Ray!

- You can stay.

- Thank you.

But we're taking all

the food out of the kitchen.

- All the money out of your pockets.

- Fine.

- And the keys to your car.

- What?

- No! No!

- Then you will know

what it means to be alone

and stranded for all eternity!

- Ray, not a good idea.

- Well now, dadgum it, Sue-Ann.

You want me to be

the man of the house,

you gotta let me

make the tough decisions.

I believe, after this weekend,

Danielle will see the wisdom

and let me be her daddy.

Yeah? Does that mean

this guy will be my brother?

Well, is that a problem?

Yeah, considering I f***ed him.

[Up-tempo song plays]

- Mindy, go to your room.

- Don't you...!

- Hey, you f***ing cow!

- Girl fight!

- [Indistinct yelling]

- I hate you!

- No!

- [Groaning]

Calm down!

I am bigger, and I will win.

- Let go of me!

- [Groaning]

You are not my dad!

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