Dinner for Schmucks Page #2

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was pronounced "Douche."

God. It's like the Ron Fuchs

episode all over again.

Well, it actually kind of

loosened things up, and...

...and he's giving Kieran a solo show,

and he wants me to curate it.

Oh, my God!

You know, that is so like you!

You call a guy a douche

and get your first

museum show out of it.

You're amazing.

I love you so much.

Youre stunning and youre smart an youre just awful with pronunciation.

- Hey!

- I'm not Fuching around here.

Marry me.

I love you.

I want to spend the rest

of my life with you.

But remember when

you asked me before,

and I said this is a big step, and maybe

we should just wait a little bit?

Yeah?

- That was two days ago.

- I know. I know.

I just need a little bit of time.

All right. I'll ask you in two hours.

Let's go.

Wow, it's packed.

So, where's the artiste?

I always try and create

some tension in my work.

Once a reviewer said

of a certain piece of mine,

may said, "i mink mars disgusting."

I said, "Good! I want it

to disgust you."

Sometimes I'll be working on a piece

and I'll think, "No, this is bullshit."

So I will literally rub bull excrement

on the piece as a meta... metaphor.

Excuse me. I'm so sorry.

Julie.

Kieran, you remember Tim?

- The stockbroker.

- No. No.

I work for a private equity firm

that specializes in distressed assets.

- So kind of a stockbroker.

- Almost nothing like a stockbroker.

Do you mind if I just

call you stockbroker?

It's the way I remember people.

You're stockbroker Tim.

Hey, so what do you think?

Really... tremendous work.

They're so big.

And you're in all of them.

Come with me, Tim.

Enjoy.

I have a little ranch... I say little.

It's absolutely massive

if you actually measure,

outside of town, where I go to

disappear, get away from this bullshit.

One of my zebras was in labor.

It was a messy business.

The foal was in breech.

At about the 22nd hour,

I just said, "Stuff it."

And I just thrust my hand in,

turned the little guy around.

Do you have any idea what its like

to be up to your elbow...

in a zebra's vagina?

And feel life? New life, fresh life.

- No, I don't.

- You should try it, Tim. It's magical.

Yeah, I'm OK.

She let me keep the afterbirth

to create this piece.

Oh, wow, that's disgusting.

I don't think I get it, Kieran.

Poppycock. You've been

stockbroking too long, Tim.

What does it make you think of?

I guess it kind of makes me...

...think of your penis.

Then you get it.

Julie gets it.

Hi, I need you to talk to a buyer.

This way.

See you in a bit.

Do you know what its like to have

your entire head inside its anus?

Julie? Poppycock.

OK, so you're just completely

immune to his animal magnetism?

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