Dick Figures: The Movie Page #2

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and scattered it to the wind,

as he lay dying he said

to me, f*** you.

He was a douche bag.

- You may have won the battle,

raccoon, but the ghosts of my

warriors will haunt the Great

Sword of Destiny forever!

- And with that he

died, but his curse remains

guarding the sword against any

who may seek to use it's great

power again.

But the power of the bread was

too strong, even for me.

And in the fury of battle, I

found I destroyed not only the

Tachigami Demon Army,

but all of Japan!

Dishonored, my kinsmen banished

me from my home never

again to return.

Oh.

Sorry.

I was bored by my own story.

- Wait!

So where's the sword?

- There is only

one left alive who knows.

'Who?

- Hold up.

Why the hell would I

give Pink a sword?

This is retarded.

- No!

Bring me the sword and in

return, I shall give you the

greatest gift a girl--

No!

A woman--

No!

Agoddess could hope

to ever receive.

- Is it a dick?

- Yes.

- Ha.

Really?

- No.

Ha, ha, ha!

You're very gullible.

- Well, who even knows

where it still is?

- You must find

the man who considers me his

greatest enemy, my

son, Son Sun.

- Nope.

You're weird.

I'm just going to go buy

her some flowers.

- Sh*t, I'll find that sword.

This sounds awesome.

- What?

Really?

- Yeah, man.

It's a 10,000-year-old sword

hidden in Japan guarded by

demon ninjas.

That's the most awesome thing

I've ever heard of!

- Dude, you're going to get

yourself killed going after

that thing.

- Maybe.

But at least I'm not

a god damn P*ssy!

- I'm not a p*ssy!

- You are a p*ssy

with a capital vagina!

I told you about the bread

because I thought you would

have the courage to do something

extraordinary.

- Yeah, right.

All he does all day

is sit in his room

playing with his joystick.

He'd totally get killed.

Have fun staying home, man!

I'll send you a post card.

- Ahh.

This was a mistake.

Only a true hero could find the

great sword of destiny.

But I can see now,

it is not you.

- You're wrong.

- on?

- Yeah.

I'm going to find the sh*t

out of that sword.

- It's going

to be very dangerous.

- Good, p*ssy's hate danger

and I'm not a p*ssy.

Give me that!

- Aw, yeah!

Time to get our quest on!

Woo!

(may.

Maybe I was wrong.

This is pretty scary.

- Seriously?

Do you want to get Pink

a sick present or not?

(may.

Okay, okay, okay.

Let's go.

- Aw, yeah.

Follow my lead.

Oh, crap.

There's guards.

- What do we do?

- Cartwheel.

- Cartwheel?

- Ah.

Oh.

- Holy sh*t!

Did you see that?

- Uh, no.

- Me neither.

- Shew.

- Hey, you hiding behind

those crates!

"Ahh!

- Cartwheel, dude!

Ahh.

- Huh.

Where'd he go?

- Damn cartwheels every time.

- Woo.

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