Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo Page #2

...the gigolo with the most below.

What do you want, T.J? I'm busy.

I wanna introduce you to my friend,

Deuce Bigalow.

- He's a gigolo from America.

- Hi.

Sometimes you're really funny, T.J.

How much you getting

for a Filthy Ramirez these days?

I could get you more.

A Filthy Ramirez?

Where have you been?

Nobody pays for that sh*t anymore.

See you around, T.J.

The Man-whore Awards

are coming up.

You wanna win the Golden Boner?

I already won it twice.

Just ask your ex-fiance.

Man, why you gotta bring up

Delisha like that?

I can't believe prostitution's

legal here.

Oh, yeah, it's big business.

They got a union, dental plan.

Man, if I had a he-b*tch

like Heinz Hummer...

...put me back in the game.

- Is he that good?

- "Is he that good?"

They don't call him "Lord

of the Wangs" for nothing.

Man, what I wouldn't give...

For Heinz's wang?

No, I don't want Heinz's wang!

I want him as a client.

Hey, man, keep your voice down.

Talking about me wanting

Heinz's big juicy wang.

People would think I'm gay.

Now, a pimp's only got

one thing in this world:

His reputation.

Here you are, gentlemen.

Fresh today.

- What is this?

- Spacecake.

- Why do they call it that?

- You know...

...it's what the astronauts eat.

Like Tang.

I'm starving.

- It's a little dry.

- Keep eating. It gets better.

- You sure you don't want any?

- No.

Never been high, never gonna be.

This is pretty good cake, though.

F***ing excellent.

You.

Come on in here.

You..? You want me to..?

Yes, you.

- Maybe you can help me.

- Really?

I don't want a man who's

chiseled and sculpted.

I like soft and weak.

- You do?

- I want a man who's unemployed.

And went to a community college.

I am, and I did.

- You know what really turns me on?

- What?

Is thinking about him

in his tighty whities...

...sitting at his computer...

...and visiting different porn sites...

...and taking the free tour

with no intention of ever joining.

I don't have a credit card!

- Kiss my chest.

- Okay.

Harder!

- Bite me!

- You sure?

Harder! Bite me harder!

Get off of my titty,

you doped-up cracker!

No more spacecakes for you.

Hey. I'm sorry about that, T.J.

I must have gotten a contact buzz.

What'd I tell you about

making me look gay?

Not ten minutes go by

and you got your mouth...

...all over my breasteses.

My nipple's ruined!

You're lucky I was born with a spare.

There go one of my ho's.

The old guy in the walker's

one of your ho's?

Yeah. Why ain't his ancient ass

out there making me my money?

Kaiser! Get your old ass

back in the booth!

Deucey, meet me back

at the float-crib.

B*tches out here act like

they never seen a pimp before.

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