Deidra & Laney Rob a Train Page #2

Thinking like that is quicksand

and you know it.

Deidra Tanner does not feel stuck.

Deidra Tanner feels fierce.

I know you're applying

to transfer schools.

Okay... I, uh... is that...

Does everyone know that?

Okay, yes, that is true.

That is true,

if I get one student into a college

that does not have the word

"community" in the title,

I could possibly get to teach

at a inner city school

that's much... nicer than this one.

But that does not mean I don't care

about the students here at this school.

You deserve to get out.

We deserve to get out.

Do you know what I'm saying?

I need you to get desperate!

Do you know, in prison,

they serve a salad with every meal?

Why don't we have that?

Would you come to school for salad?

I'll bring you a salad.

I'll get you any salad you want.

Do you want, like, a Caesar salad?

A chicken salad? Taco salad?

She's like a taco salad kind of girl.

- Don't look at that.

- Phones away!

Laney, eye contact.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Could you repeat the question?

I'll answer while she thinks.

I would choose to meet Mary Tyler Moore.

Because she used her television roles

to bring America smart, independent women.

- And she is why I wanna be an actress.

- Wow, Claire, that was perfect.

I would meet Taylor Swift.

No way, that was my answer.

- No way.

- No way.

- Laney?

- Uh...

George Washington?

- Shut up.

- All right. Let's take five.

And when I come back,

I will announce the finalists.

Laney, I really liked

your George Washington answer.

You know what? You're much smarter

than all these airheads.

Laney, what's wrong?

I went from being nothing in school

- to a nothing with a crazy mom.

- Hey, that's not true.

Soon, people are gonna remember

how wonderful you are. I promise.

Like, how you come

to these meetings with me

- even though I know you hate it.

- Yeah. I hate it.

Oh, wait. Sorry, hold on.

Goddamn it, Cheryl!

Sometimes I wish

my mom would go to jail.

Okay, ladies.

The time has come. We have four finalists.

Ahem.

Number one... can I have a drum roll,

please? Just kidding, no drum roll.

Katie Lynn!

Number two... Darlene.

Our third contestant is...

Claire.

And the final contestant is...

Laney Tanner.

Which is yay, right?

And for the rest of you

who did not make it,

I still expect you to sell ten tickets

to the pageant.

And then maybe,

you'll have better luck next year.

For those of you who are seniors...

I'm sorry. It's over for you.

I didn't see you leave.

Congrats on making finalist.

Of course, I knew you would.

But... I mean,

we all know I'm the surprise.

Um...

This is cool, right?

Laney, you were supposed to be there

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