Debra Digiovanni: Single, Awkward, Female Page #2

This is not my fault, because I

am a delicate rose, all right?

That is clearly a faulty

toilet, all right?

So, I've been in the room for 90

seconds maybe, and then I have

to phone down to the front desk.

I'm, like, "Hi. I overflowed the

toilet."

Even the girl on the phone was,

like, "What the f***?!

You've been there for five

seconds."

I was, like, "All right, I know.

Just send someone, all right?"

So in my mind, they're gonna

send, like, maintenance, or,

like, housekeeping or something.

But, no, at this hotel, they

send the cute guy from the front

desk that I was trying to flirt

with.

That is who they sent.

(laughter)

That's who they sent to plunge

my business.

Do you see what I'm saying?

Yeah. And not in the sexy way

that I had planned, either.

I'm gonna tell you...

Changed the weekend, I'll tell

you that.

Not good, everybody.

But then, I'm out here, and so I

have some... couple friends, and

they're, like, "Don't worry.

We'll make this better, Debra.

Don't worry.

So, um, uh, they said, "We'll

take you out after."

I'm, "Great."

I got out, we have a nice

evening, and then, one of my

friends... because, you know,

West Coast... they have medicinal

marijuana, all right, so...

'Cause you know, he's very sick,

my friend, so he...

(laughter)

He's very sick.

So, we go out together, and you

know, he rolls his joint.

All right, he rolls this little

tiny, like a little pinner, like

a skinny one.

And I had that moment where I

was, like, "Really?

This is what you brought?

I'm a guest. A little rude."

Anyway, I'm just saying.

This is it. Whatever.

But he doesn't tell me that it's

medicinal marijuana, okay?

So we smoke this joint.

I'm telling you, I had, like,

one drag off of it, and I was so

high that I had to spend the

rest of my night in my hotel

room, convincing myself I wasn't

gonna die.

Do you know what I mean?

"Your heart's not gonna explode.

You're not melting.

You're not melting!"

This is what...

And the problem is, I overflowed

the toilet again.

Damn it! Again, I know.

(laughter)

Which is what, really, I

consider the second date.

I'm not gonna lie to you.

I was, like, "You're back!

Hi, there!"

Yeah, I can't go back to that

hotel.

Anyway... I can't.

Um, here's something.

This is... It's a terrifying

moment.

I'm getting a little older.

It happens to all of us,

everyone.

But the things that they don't

tell you is that you start

turning into your parents, and

it's a scary, scary moment.

Like, this is something, all

right?

Now as... I'm old, all right?

Now, when it rains, I don't

carry an umbrella anymore.

Now I use one of those little

plastic rain bonnets that your

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