Dean Slater: Resident Advisor Page #2

We're all SCSU students,

you know?

Biting Crabs.

- What the f***?

- Bitchin'.

Dope crab.

- Thank you.

- What do you want?

- I want a life of experiences,

not things.

Although the things

that I do obtain

should be finely crafted.

And I should so like to make

love to this one particular

woman every morning.

Oh, and a...

and a decent soup.

- Huh?

- Who are you?

- I'm your new RA.

- Did you torture him before

you murdered him?

- Torture?

Definitely torture.

Murder?

No.

I did save his life

once, though.

He was choking on Silly Putty.

I had him in a hammerlock.

- You mean a Heimlich?

- Hammerlock.

Might have been a half-nelson.

- Dude, dude.

- Shhh.

I rammed him up against

the banister.

Mmm-bop.

Came launching out.

He claimed he just wanted to

feel that snap-crack feeling

that happens when you

bite down on Silly

Putty, but I knew.

He had a picture of Hanson

scratched out.

- Gross.

- Made 'em all look naked.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Even the little drummer boy.

- Oh, god.

- Sickness.

He's a good kid, though.

Come on, let's get back to

campus for that first night

party and really build

some trust.

- Hey, Tyler, what's Hanson?

- Should we?

- Let's go.

YUJI (OFFSCREEN): Holy crab,

we're gonna be so high, dude.

TYLER (OFFSCREEN): Where

did you get this?

DEAN (OFFSCREEN): I

have a silkworm.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

- Where's my clock?

- Scope the phone.

- No batt.

- What the f***?

- Who the f***?

- Holy sh*t!

- F***ing falcon?

- A falconer flies falcons.

I'm an austringer.

I fly hawks.

You boys have fun last night?

- Don't know.

- You took all our

batteries out?

- Learning begins within.

You're setting your own

internal clocks.

- I'm probably missing class.

- You're re-prioritizing.

That's good.

- I feel like I'm gonna puke.

- Epicurus vomited three

times a day.

[STOMACH GRUMBLING]

- To make room for

his gluttony.

[FART]

- Aw, f***, dude.

[SNIFFS]

[FART]

- Mmm.

- New York strip, Ponderosa

Steakhouse style.

- Medium-rare.

Drunk-dialing, not good.

Hey.

(WHISPERING) What is it?

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

You tell them.

[BIRD CHIRPS]

- Archimedes and I will

be in my room.

Do not come by if you

need anything.

- Strap on those beer goggles

and blindfolds, freshmen.

Boys and girls, SCSU welcomes

you to the 10th

annual Sexual Jeopardy.

All right!

All right, we love this!

- I really don't need to worry

about this kind of stuff.

I have a girlfriend.

- Get some condoms, guys.

If my dad had one, I

wouldn't be here.

- Are we at the boner?

- Remember to...

- OK, OK, calm down.

- [INAUDIBLE] first drink.

Remember, yeah!

- All right, you're...

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