Dead Man on Campus Page #3

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YOU'LL NEVER BE FOUND

AGAIN.

THIS IS THE FIRST CLASS,

ISN'T IT?

THIS IS AN ADVANCED

ANATOMY LAB.

WE WILL BE SPENDING

THE MAJORITY OF OUR TIME

DISSECTING:

A HUMAN CADAVER.

SAY HELLO TO BOB.

[GASPS]

LET'S OPEN BOB UP,

SHALL WE?

YOUR JOB:

AT THE HOUSING OFFICE

IS TO PROCESS HOUSING

TRANSFER REQUESTS.

DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE.

DON'T STUDY AT WORK.

DON'T ANNOY ME.

THAT'S IT.

Cooper:
JOSH.

HELP.

I NEED WATER.

Cooper:
UHH. WATER.

WATER.

UHH.

SWALLOW.

SWALLOW.

AHH.

SO, KIND OF A LATE NIGH LAST NIGHT, HUH?

OH.

PAMMY.

I THOUGHT I DREAMT HER.

ISN'T COLLEGE GREAT?

THIS CAN'T BE

THE RIGHT ANSWER.

THERE ARE TOO MANY

VARIABLES IN THIS EQUATION.

HEY, JOSH,

DO YOU HAVE IT?

UH...

YEAH.

NEGATIVE 4.

[STUDENTS GIGGLE]

WELL, THAT WOULD BE

CORRECT, JOSH,

IF WE WERE STILL ON

BINOMIALS.

[LAUGHTER]

I GOT TO CLEAN MY BONG,

'CAUSE I CAN'T MIX

THE KIND WITH THE SHWAG.

WHERE'S MY PIPE CLEANER?

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M STUDYING.

WELL, JOSH,

I THINK IT'S TIME

FOR A STUDY BREAK.

NO, THANK YOU, REALLY.

OH! OH!

OH, MAN.

SORRY. SORRY. HERE.

HEY, THAT'S MY SWEATER.

WHAT? LOOK,

I'M PICKING IT UP.

OH, MAN.

NOW EVERYTHING SMELLS

LIKE BONG WATER.

HEY.

HEY.

I'M JUST GOING TO PACK

UP SOME OF MY THINGS,

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO BE

STAYING AT KELLY'S PLACE

FOR A WHILE.

IS IT COOL IF I USE YOUR ROOM

FOR BONGING? 'CAUSE--

NO! IT'S NOT COOL.

WHILE I'M GONE, DON' F*** WITH MY STUFF!

EASY, KILLER.

REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU?

YEAH.

DON'T F***

WITH MY STUFF...

PLEASE.

[LAUGHS]

[LOUD SCRATCHING]

LOOK, COOPER, COULD YOU

DO THAT SOMEPLACE ELSE?

LISTEN, I'M HERE ON

AN ACADEMIC SCHOLARSHIP,

AND I'M SERIOUS WHEN

I SAY I GOT TO STUDY.

AND I CAN'T DO IT WHEN

YOU'RE DISTRACTING ME

EVERY 2 SECONDS.

[SCRATCHES]

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M SERIOUS WHEN I TELL YOU

I NEED TO CLEAN MY BONG,

AND I CAN'T DO I WITH YOU CHEWING ME OU EVERY 2 SECONDS.

I'M GOING

IN PICKLE'S ROOM,

IN CASE YOU WAN TO CATCH A BEER LATER.

[MACHINE BEEPS]

HEY, JOSH,

HOW'S IT GOING?

OH, MAN, I GOT A LONG

NIGHT AHEAD OF ME.

HOW YOU DOING?

OH, I'M ALL RIGHT.

I GOT A RASH ON MY BALLS.

HEY.

[PLAYING VIDEO GAME]

LOOK...

I KNOW WE'RE DIFFERENT,

BUT WE JUST GO TO FIGURE OUT A WAY

THAT WE CAN:

SHARE THE ROOM,

AND THEN I CAN STUDY,

AND YOU CAN DO WHATEVER

THE HELL IT IS THAT YOU DO.

RIGHT. YEAH.

I MEAN, THAT'S COOL.

Cooper:

OHH. OHH.

OH, REALLY?

MMM.

TAKE THIS OFF.

MMM. MMM, MMM.

OH, YEAH.

TAKE THIS OFF.

TAKE IT OFF.

I WANT TO TAKE YOURS OFF.

TAKE IT OFF.

YOU TAKE YOURS OFF

UNDER THE SHEETS.

OH, YES.

OH!

BE GENTLE.

IT'S MY FIRST TIME.

PULL ON MY LOBES

WHEN YOU DO THAT.

OH, YOU HAVE

GREAT INSTINCTS.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

WHAT ABOU YOUR ROOMMATE?

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