Dead Man on Campus Page #2

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I DON'T KNOW.

UH...

I'M FROM INDIANA,

AND I'M IN THE 6-YEAR

MEDICAL PROGRAM.

SO YOU, LIKE, STUDIED

IN HIGH SCHOOL?

WOW, THAT'S COOL.

YOU KNOW, I HAD A COUPLE

OF FRIENDS WHO DID THAT.

OH, YEAH?

OH, SHE'S NICE.

GOOD CHOICE.

GO TALK TO HER.

I DON'T THINK SO.

WHY? WHAT ARE YOU

GOING TO DO?

SIT IN BED UNTIL SHE GOES

HOME WITH SOMEBODY ELSE?

YEAH.

I'M IN MY UNDERWEAR.

SO WHAT? JOSH, YOU DON' NEED TO GET DRESSED.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'LL BRING HER OVER.

NO, NO, NO.

WHAT?

DO YOU WANT ME TO GO

GET YOU SOME PANTS?

YEAH. WOULD YOU?

AHH.

THAT'S RACHEL GILMORE.

SHE'S FROM NEW YORK,

AND SHE LIKES:

CREATIVE WRITING.

HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?

FRESHMAN FACE BOOK.

I'M JUST, LIKE, PTOOF!

JACKING OFF TO THAT THING

FOR, LIKE, 3 WEEKS.

[SNORTS]

OH.

THIS IS MY BROTHER'S

RITALIN.

RITALIN'S GOOD FOR STUDYING

MATH OR SCIENCE.

JUST DON'T TRY TO WRITE

BECAUSE IT WON'T MAKE

ANY SENSE.

ENJOY THEM.

THIS IS MY MOM'S

DIET PILLS--

LOVELY FOR PULLING

ALL-NIGHTERS

AND FOREIGN LANGUAGES.

Girl:
HEY, JENNIFER,

COME HERE.

[EXHALES]

NICE CROSS.

THANKS.

ARE YOU CATHOLIC?

YEAH.

I WENT TO SACRED HEAR SCHOOL FOR GIRLS.

I LOVE YOU.

WHY, HELLO, LADIES.

WE HAVEN'T MET.

I'M COOPER.

THIS IS JOSH.

HI.

DO YOU GUYS:

GO TO DALEMAN?

IT'S THEIR ROOM, LUCY.

YEAH?

I'M LUCY, AND THESE ARE

MY HOMEGIRLS.

RIGHT, KRISTIN?

ISN'T THAT WHAT THEY SAY

WHERE YOU'RE FROM?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

"WHERE I'M FROM"?

OH, YOU KNOW,

THE 'HOOD.

LUCY, WE NEED TO HAVE

A LITTLE TALK.

AHEM.

WELL, TALK.

UH, HEY, UM...

HI.

HI.

YOU MUST BE RACHEL.

YEAH, YEAH.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

OH, IT'S

IN THE FACE BOOK.

OH, YOU MEMORIZED

THE FACE BOOK?

NO. MY ROOMMATE DID.

HE WAS:

JACK--A-LACKIN'...

HE WAS JACK-A-LACKIN'

AROUND TO IT.

HE WAS WHAT?

UM...

HEH HEH HEH.

NEVER MIND.

RACHEL, COME ON.

UH, JUST A SECOND.

I GOT TO GO. UM...

SO, I'LL SEE YOU

AROUND MAYBE.

OH, YEAH. NO, YEAH.

YEAH, YEAH. NO.

I MEAN, YEAH.

YES.

I'LL SEE EACH OTHER

AROUND.

OK. HA HA!

ALL RIGHT.

SO, BYE.

RACHEL.

JOSH.

BYE.

[SIGHS]

OH, YEAH,

THAT WAS SMOOTH.

YOU'LL HAVE TO GIVE US

SOME POINTERS.

YOU'RE THE SH*T, MAN.

[LAUGHS]

[ALARM BUZZING]

[ALARM STOPS]

COOPER?

MY ARM'S ASLEEP.

OW!

OHH! OH, MY GOD,

ARE YOU OK?

HEY, JOSH.

HI.

OHH.

SORRY.

THIS IS NOT HIGH SCHOOL

BIOLOGY, OK, PEOPLE?

WE WON'T BE

BRINGING IN FERNS

FOR SHOW AND TELL.

IF YOU BRING IN CHOCOLATE,

THEN WE ARE IN BUSINESS.

IT IS IMPERATIVE YOU DO

THE REQUIRED READING,

OR YOU SHALL BE LOST.

IT IS IMPERATIVE

YOU HANG ON MY EVERY WORD,

OR YOU SHALL BE LOST.

IT IS IMPERATIVE

YOU BUY MY BOOK,

ORGANIC CHEMISTRY--

THE IMPOSSIBLE DISCIPLINE

BY S.F. COLLINS,

WHO IS I,

OR YOU SHALL BE SO LOST,

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