Dave Chappelle: For What It's Worth Page #2

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''Oh, God.''

He was working my way. The sh*t was tight.

Just that minute, I got saved, dudes. | I was so lucky.

This guy, the other in the bus, he snapped.

He lost his mind. I seen it happen.

He screamed out, ''Rush him.

''He can't come on all of us.'' | He charges down the aisle.

And it's like a movie. | This homeless dude's seen him coming.

He shot one off.

I dodged that sh*t like The Matrix, n*gger.

The guy behind me wasn't so lucky, though.

''No!''

That sh*t was gross.

It didn't kill him, but it was.... | I'm sure that f***ed his day up.

You're not gonna have a normal day | if a homeless dude...

busts a nut on your forehead | at 8:30 in the morning.

That's a wrap on the rest of the day.

That guy was freaking out. ''It burns!''

Everyone was standing around looking | at him. Even the homeless dude felt bad.

I guess he was finished, | he came back to his senses.

''Oh, this is my stop.''

I said, ''Relax, motherf***er.'' | I had to say something.

''Oh, I can't. I got AIDS, I know it.''

I said, ''You can't get AIDS from a homeless | dude busting a nut on your forehead.

''That's not how it spreads.''

I don't know if it's true. | That's just what I told him.

He was so scared, I had to say something.

I don't know where AIDS comes from. | Who the f*** knows?

Scientists don't even know.

Scientists still say AIDS started | 'cause somebody had sex with a monkey.

Word?

After all this research, the best explanation | that you came up with....

Nobody fucks monkeys and people, | you idiot.

You either f*** monkeys or you f*** people.

That's it. There's no in-between.

You're not gonna get | monkey p*ssy on Tuesday...

and then be like, | ''Well, let me call Charlene,'' on Thursday.

No. Once you f*** a monkey, | that's a firm decision.

I'm out of the human p*ssy game for good.

It's ridiculous. | They act like monkeys are just as open as...

waiting for people to f*** them, man.

Monkeys don't wanna be f***ed by people.

Think about it. Think about how hard | it would be to catch a monkey...

and f*** it. That's ridiculous.

That's how it had to go down.

You think you're going to | walk up to him in the woods...

and bribe this n*gger | with fruits and bananas?

''Hey, buddy, hey.

''There you go, buddy, yeah.

''There you go, your big bright red ass.

''This big bright red booty.''

Do you know how strong a monkey is?

It would rip your dick off like a celery stalk.

Throw that sh*t in the tall grass, | to never be seen again.

''Hey, dog, we're gonna go to the club, | pick up some girls, you trying to roll?''

''No, man, I'm cool.

''I'm gonna stay home, | chill with my monkey.

''You know how long it took me | to train this monkey...

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