Dating My Mother Page #3
Drink with us.
- Hmm.
- Okay.
Mm-hmm. No.
No. One earring does not do it.
Do two or forget it. Next.
No. Bow tie. Go.
- He's cute. He's very cute.
- Hmm.
Oh, send him a message
or a poke or a prick.
[Joan laughs]
What do I say.
I don't know. I feel like
maybe you should just wait
for him to message you.
- [Lisa] Oh, wow!
- Play it cool.
Come on.
What happened
to Wild Lady Gaga Danny?
When did you become
Conservative Danny Duggart?
- [laughing]
- [Danny] I'm just saying.
I feel like straight people
are into gender roles
or whatever.
[Lisa] Well, I'm saying
break that rule,
break and bury
and you are a catch,
He'd be lucky to have you.
Isn't that right, Danny?
I mean, isn't your mom's hole
a total ace?
- Eww!
- [giggling] Lisa!
What? What?
I said she's...
- she's a ace in the hole.
- No.
You didn't say that though.
- That is not what you said.
- No.
- All right.
- Oh!
My hole is an ace.
[laughing]
[Lisa]
Totally.
Oh, God.
[coughs]
Oh, Lord almighty,
I've killed my bestie.
Are you okay?
Drink. Breathe. Breathe.
- Okay.
- Okay.
I'm gonna do this.
I'm gonna do it!
Yeah. Hashtag feminism.
Exactly, hashtag feminism.
- I'm too old for this.
- No, you are not too old.
And old is good, by the way.
I love getting old.
The older you get, the less
and less you give a sh*t
about anyone or anything.
- Clearly.
- Mm-hmm.
All right, look at that.
"Nice to meet
your virtual acquaintance."
- Mom!
- What? I haven't met him yet.
You cannot say that.
Come on.
[keyboard clacking]
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, you're good.
- It's good.
- I try.
- Yeah.
- [phone dings]
- Oh.
- Oh.
Somebody sexting you?
Come on.
[Lisa] Oh, look at that
little sly smirk.
- Hmm?
- [Joan sighs]
- Uh, is it a fella?
- A fella?
It's no one. He's from LA.
Oh, sorry.
Excuse me, California.
- Is it your ex?
- No.
No. It...
Okay, it's Khris.
- Khris? As in Khris Restrepo?
- Hmm.
But he was just at the party?
How could he be in Los Angeles?
Mom, I was lying.
Is he even gay, honey?
[Lisa]
It doesn't matter anymore?
As long as he has a huge dick?
[all laughing]
Amen.
[Joan]
Oh, my God.
[sighs]
- Lisa's a nutjob.
- [Joan] I know.
I love it.
She's already sent me
three Facebooks today.
- She's like a spy.
- Are you serious?
more than me even.
I mean, she has been married
to the same man for 30 years.
[Joan] I suppose.
So, what are you doing today?
[woman on TV]
Big toes together.
Just a little bit of space
between your heels.
Lower your hips.
Lift your belly.
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"Dating My Mother" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 17 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/dating_my_mother_6401>.
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