Dating My Mother Page #2

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your head and neck,

and there are no hinges

or moving parts to break.

You can flip it over

for dips too.

[TV continues indistinctly]

[thuds]

- Mom?

- Shh.

I don't want the dogs

to know I'm here.

I can't believe you just leave

them down there in the basement.

[Joan] You're allergic.

[Danny] Only sometimes.

And they pee everywhere.

How was your morning?

[Danny] Thrilling.

Did you get any writing done?

[Danny] Not really.

I'm feeling kind of uninspired.

Feel like I need to get

into a routine or something.

[Joan]

That's an idea.

I cut Michelle's hair today.

She says they're looking

for people.

[Danny] Great.

Well, you should reach out.

I mean, you need to find

a way to make money.

I don't really remember

the Dewey decimal system,

to be honest.

And I have a job.

You do?

[Danny] Yes.

I'm just waiting for someone

to pay me to do it.

Well, maybe if you spent

more time writing

and less time in front

of the boob tube.

[sighs, mutters] Okay.

Sit here.

[continues indistinctly]

[woman]

Hey, how are you?

[Michelle]

Daniel.

- No phones at the front desk.

- Right.

Sorry.

[chuckles]

Shelve these for me.

[sighs]

[phone beeps]

- [man] Hey.

- Hi.

How can I help you?

- [shrieks]

- [phone clatters]

[girl giggles]

Sorry.

[sighs]

[muffled chattering]

I've been told that one of the

biggest weaknesses that I have

is that I can be, um,

sometimes too polite which is...

uh, great...

for the...

uh, sorry, for the workplace.

It's just like

a part-time thing.

Uh, just living that

high school aesthetic

till I can, like,

afford to exist.

Ah, I feel you.

My mom and the librarian

go way back, so...

Yeah, I've been interviewing

for weeks.

The grind is killing me.

Oh. Right. Hence the blazer.

I hate Skype interviews,

they're so awkward.

I'm better in the room,

you know?

Totes.

Uh, hey, I don't think

I have your number anymore.

Oh, yeah, um...

Oh.

[gasps]

[cooing]

Come here! Come here,

come here, come here.

[sneezes]

- [Lisa laughing]

- He's cute.

I don't mind

the Bermuda shorts.

- Hey, Lisa.

- Hey, honey.

What are you guys doing?

We are trying

to find your mother

a proper male escort.

- [Lisa giggling]

- Oh, my God.

She's a stalker.

She's literally found

their addresses.

Mm-hmm. Everything.

Their measurements...

[Danny] I don't doubt it.

[Joan]

Wait. Oh!

Now, he's cute.

He is foxy.

[Lisa]

Look, Joanie.

And he's a CEO.

- How do you know that?

- Hello.

Psychic and LinkedIn.

It's right there.

[Lisa]

Wait. Hold on. Let me just...

Oh, my God.

Is that his Facebook page?

Mm-hmm. And that's his...

wife? No, daughter.

Oh, God. I'm out.

No, honey, stay with us.

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