Date Night Page #3

-having book club?

-l haven't told the kids.

Can't tell the kids.

Just, please, keep it under your hat

until next week

when we go public with it. Don't tell Claire.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, what happened? l mean.. .

l thought everything was fine. Really.

The next thing l know,

Haley starts getting more and more distant,

and eventually she tells me,

and l'm quoting here,

''l'm.. . l'm strangling

in the noose of sameness."

So, at first, l was pissed. l really was.

But then l realized,

l know what she's talking about, okay.

We're just cemented

in these roles together,

and there's no breaking out of it.

lt's like that Asian dude

-in Sixteen Candles, Long Dik Dog.

-Long Duk Dong.

-Long Duk Dong. That dude.

-Gedde Watanabe.

That's.. . Him. He can't play.. .

No matter how hard he tries,

he can't play a doctor.

Oh, yeah. No. lt'd be like,

''Why is Long Duk Dong

dressed up like a doctor?''

Right? And that's us!

We're stuck.

We're just stuck in these roles,

this routine, and it's.. .

l mean, we're not even a couple anymore.

We're just, like.. .

We're just excellent roommates.

The most excellent roommates.

-l.. . l don't think you're Long Duk Dong.

-What do you think?

l know that Haley

must be hurting right now.

And l'm betting you

she's gonna change her mind.

Best f***ing decision l ever made.

Seriously, l have never been happier.

l can do whatever l want. l can go dancing.

When was the last time

you and Phil actually danced together?

l don't know. Our wedding?

Okay, well, l wanna dance every night.

And l wanna take my top off,

and l wanna get it on

with three guys at the same time

'cause l can.

Three guys at once? That's a nightmare.

That is, literally,

a recurring stress dream that l have.

l can only think of jobs for two.

-Oh, no. l got it.

-Yeah, there's that one.

l just don't understand how this happened.

He just sort of went on auto-pilot.

l don't understand what you want.

l feel like we know each other too well.

l know everything about him.

l know that croutons make him gag.

And he knows that

if l have five glasses of wine,

l'm gonna try to make out with a black guy.

-You're still doing that, huh?

-Yes.

lt's the same conversations,

the same schedule.

Having sex in the same position

twice a week.

You guys were having sex twice a week?

Yeah, it was that rare.

Yes. Rare is why l was surprised.

You are a lot like Nasrin, Claire.

-(SCOFFS ) l'm not like Nasrin.

-Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

Why are we talking about me?

You're the one going crazy.

Because you are like Nasrin.

Because you are ashamed

-of how vibrant you are.

-Oh, come on.. .

You deserve to feel sexy, Claire.

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