Dara O Briain: Craic Dealer Page #3

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"But if the man off the telly is selling it then clearly

"they've ironed out those initial problems.

"Kids, will we have some crack?"

"Let's have some crack, Daddy! Let's have some crack!"

Now, I'm not so unprofessional as to tell you which major

retailer in this country refused to stock a DVD...

I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing.

I would merely point out that

if you were to come up with an advertising slogan that best

sums up the day-to-day existence of a class A drug addict,

you're not going to do better than "Every little helps."

LAUGHTER:

APPLAUSE:

This may backfire on me,

cos the thing is, on the back of the DVD box there is

a picture of the show as it goes along,

so it means even if I keep it off the front,

the back of the box will have tiny letters of Craic Dealer,

which they're not going to be happy about.

I should be more sensitive to their desires not to have had this

here where they would see it.

I've got to do everything I can to avoid them

being embarrassed or angry by the words appearing...

LAUGHTER:

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

How unfortunate.

There will be messing around.

Look at your little faces.

Look at the people I'm going to come to and have chats to

and it's going to be fantastic.

Some more than others, by the way.

Don't be shy, just throw it out...

Go with it, enjoy yourselves.

You can probably...

You're quite young, how old is this group here?

24, 24. How old are you?

Who's young, who's young? 22. How old are you?

- 21.

- 21. Any teenagers here?

- You. How old are you guys?

- 19.

19. Lovely stuff. Right, you're off the hook, I'm not talking to you.

You know why? Cos you've f***ing done nothing.

LAUGHTER:

You guys, I might not take the gamble -

you're only starting doing stuff.

But this lot - nothing.

Hey, what do you do? I don't need to know an essay title, right.

You're only just starting off.

Look at these gnarled f***ers here.

Far more interesting to talk to.

There is a point for a comedian, where the comedian goes,

"Hey, what do you do?"

We do it like we have any clue,

like we have any notion of the real nature of jobs.

This is the rubbish we do, we don't know the actual nine to five,

the commute, the tension, the hierarchies -

all that stuff that exists when you work within organisations.

We know none of that stuff.

We have no skills in that world - nothing.

This is all I have done.

I would be gone. I have nothing transferable.

If this ends, I got nothing, right.

Nothing. I am institutionalised at this stage.

I'm like that guy in Shawshank who ran the library.

LAUGHTER:

Sorry. Sorry, I've lost you there.

It was a film that was released in the '90s.

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