Damsels in Distress Page #3

a good-smelling environment...

...is crucial to our sense

of well-being?

Have you tried to find

a better-smelling place?

Wait, wait.

lt's not me, l'm not depressed.

- You're not?

- No.

Are you sure?

You kind of seem on edge.

- No, l'm fine.

- That's a terrible expression. "Fine."

"l'm fine."

Something smug about it. "l'm fine."

- Why do you say that you're fine?

- l'm not depressed. l'm not suicidal.

Why are you here, then?

Are you a con man?

- A confidence trickster?

- No, there's a girl.

Her boyfriend dumped her.

She was crying but now is silent.

Oh, my God.

Why didn't you say so?

We have to go. Call the cops!

A suicide might be in progress!

- The campus cops?

- Yes, of course the campus cops.

Take this.

We have a lot of students

coming to the center...

...pretending to be depressed

to get doughnuts.

- Confidence tricksters.

- Yes, it's really bad. Really cynical.

We pledged

to the doughnut company...

...we would only give doughnuts

to students who were depressed...

...or otherwise nutty.

We're a nonprofit,

so the rules are pretty strict.

- This man could still be a trickster.

- Well, we'll soon find out.

Tell me about this girl.

Well, her name is Priss.

She's very pretty.

Oh, yes. lt's very hard for beautiful

women to experience rejection.

Priss? Priss. Are you okay?

Priss! Priss, say something!

Priss! Open up!

Oh, thank God.

We're gonna have to force this door.

Priss? Are you okay?

- What?

- Please don't. Please, come with us.

Do you wanna talk about it?

What was his name?

Josh.

lf you'd rather not talk,

we don't have to.

No, it's okay, l just....

l keep thinking how he used to gaze

at me with such love in his eyes.

You know what l mean?

No. No, l've never

actually seen that.

Yes. Just days ago,

he'd gaze at me.

His eyes, so blue.

He had blue eyes?

So does Frank.

Frank's the guy that l go out with.

Otherwise, he's not conventionally

good-looking, which l actually prefer.

Would you describe Josh

as handsome?

- That's a problem.

- Could l join you guys?

Yes, please.

Priss and l were just talking.

ln my view,

handsome men are to be avoided.

l don't even consider good looks

to be flattering in a man.

- Do you know what l mean?

- No.

Cookie-cutter, good-looking guys,

with their chiseled features...

...running around,

full of themselves...

...getting everything they want,

never suffering or experiencing--

We suffered?

We're not under discussion. That's

irrelevant. That's besides the point.

- ls this making you feel any better?

- Yes. l think so.

Good. l hoped it would.

Okay, it's nearly 4 and The Daily

Complainer's orientation meeting...

...is about to start

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