Daddy Day Camp Page #2

---

informed you of the liens...

...we have against your property.

- Informed?

He just took his little fishy

up the road.

As the business has no clients...

...therefore no discernible

means of income...

...the bank will have no choice

but to foreclose on the property.

- Foreclose?

- Foreclose?

Let me ask you something.

What if this camp could show

discernible means of income?

Continue.

We have run

the Daddy Day Care Center...

...successfully

for the past several years.

Allow us to use the hard-earned trust

that name brings...

...to build in new clientele.

I suppose I could recommend

to the bank...

...that we extend the debt

for about a month.

Assuming, of course,

that you can maintain the camp...

...and a client base

of at least 30 children.

We'll have it in tiptop shape

in no time.

Yeah, you got a methane problem,

all right.

Gonna have to have

that baby pumped.

Oh, crap.

Yeah, you said it. Gonna need

a whole new septic tank...

...new plumbing, the works.

Cost you about 14.

- Hundred?

- Thousand.

You know what?

We'll buy the kids gas masks.

It's your party, pally,

but that methane is dangerous.

You boys best be careful.

- Phil.

- What? That wasn't me.

Okay, here's your lunch, sweetie.

It's a sugar-free, wheat-free,

gluten-free, tofu nugget.

You have your Sidekick with text,

GPS locator in case you get lost...

...and waterproof sunscreen,

in case it gets sunny...

...while it's still raining.

- Mother, it's day camp.

I'll be seven miles away.

And home before dinner.

Did you take your Xanax?

I don't wanna go to camp in the rain.

I wanna stay home

watching nudie flicks.

The brochure said there would be sun.

Please behave yourself.

And for the love of God,

try not to make anyone bleed.

Take your Dramamine now

before you get on the bus...

...then later if you ride a horse...

...or anything that bounces

or gently sways.

- What about my Pepto?

- Save that for lunch.

And your Beano,

in case you have a snack.

It's another beautiful woodchuck day.

Promise you'll put those games away

and try to be social this summer.

Die, alien scum, die.

Carl, please don't let the other kids

tease your brother.

What am I? Dr. Phil?

I've got nothing to work with here.

Archibald Lawrence Mapleton?

Call me, Mullet. Business up front,

party in the back, baby.

Juliette Stone?

Present.

Holy Hogwarts.

Watch the merchandise, dude.

- I still got it, huh?

- I can't hear! My ears!

Okay, this is it. Time to give them

a summer they'll never forget.

They won't forget that.

Nature walkers, lotion up.

Okay, Robin Hoods, gather around.

Everybody take a bow.

There you go.

There's enough for everyone.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes