Daddy's Home Page #2
Oh, Brad is Mommy's new husband.
Wait. He doesn't know about me?
Well, I haven't talked to him
in six months.
We've been married eight months.
Brad, Daddy wants to talk to you.
- No! No, no. Don't, don't...
- I'm just going to say hi.
You don't need to do that. Brad, don't.
(CLEARS THROAT) Thank you, sweetie.
Hello, Dusty?
Super to make your acquaintance.
In fact, I just wish
and offer to buy you a cold one.
- Tomorrow?
- What?
BOTH:
Daddy's coming! Yay!Oh, yeah, I guess I could pick you up.
- (WHISPERS) No.
- Hmm?
It's Whitaker.
W-H-I-T-A-K-E-R. (CHUCKLES)
No, I'm not comfortable giving you
my Social Security number over the phone.
Uh, okay, yeah, my credit score is 752.
I'm very proud of that. (CHUCKLES)
I'm sorry? What sort of fighting styles
am I proficient in?
I don't know if I've ever been
asked that before.
Hello, Dusty, hello, hello? Hmm...
I lost him.
What just happened?
Did you just invite him to come here?
Is he coming tomorrow?
Well, I didn't know
I mean, he really jumped at it.
Remember when I said he was like Jesse
James and Mick Jagger had a baby?
Yeah, I just thought maybe
jittery, and had like a little bit
of a British accent, or something.
He's wild and he's crazy.
That's why I fell in love with him.
Then you end up with two kids.
And I'm stuck there holding the bag and
he's nowhere to be found.
It doesn't matter how much love or passion,
or you can't breathe without each other.
All of that stuff is stupid in comparison.
When you have kids,
you have responsibilities.
He doesn't understand that.
Honey, this is actually a good thing.
- (SIGHS)
- I'll welcome Dusty into our home,
and we'll establish some kind
but firm boundaries.
All right? It's what Step-By-Stepdad
calls "setting up a Loving Fence."
A Loving Fence?
Wow, that sounds really great, honey.
But your self-help books
He sounds like a rascal, but I don't
think it's anything I can't handle.
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
PANDA SINGER:
Check. Check, check.Chinese Checkers,
Czech, Czech Republic, pop,
sibilance, sibilance, pop,
one, two, six, seven,
check, check, check, check.
What do you got for me, Brad?
Oh, Mr. Holt, hello. Well, hopefully
the new voice of The Panda.
Oh, listen.
I gotta leave early today. I gotta go
pick up my wife's ex at the airport.
Jesus, kid, how'd you
draw that sh*t detail?
Brad, why do you want
this deadbeat in your home?
Well, it's not that I want him in my home,
it's just that the better
stepparenting books
say that the worst thing you can do
for the kids is to push out the biological.
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"Daddy's Home" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/daddy's_home_6224>.
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