Curse of the Pink Panther Page #2

most qualified to solve the disappearance

of France's greatest detective.

And screw up my entire life.

Just over a year ago,

while investigating yet another theft

of the famous diamond, the Pink Panther,

Inspector Clouseau seemed to

vanish from the face of the earth,

leaving behind one of France's

greatest unsolved mysteries.

Not to mention

the 4,000 francs he owes me.

And now, working on the theory

that the best person to find Clouseau

is someone almost exactly like Clouseau,

Chief Inspector Dreyfus

will program Aldous the computer

with a character profile

of Inspector Clouseau.

That's going to put a hell of a strain

on poor old Aldous.

Obviously, Mr. President,

so as not to limit our choice,

I will omit sex, height, weight,

race, and nationality.

- Ready, Aldous?

- Ready, Charles.

Age... 61.

Senior officer.

I.Q...

Genius.

Specialities...

Judo, kung fu, Okinawan weaponry,

karate expert...

Black belt.

Expert ma... Ma...

Marksman.

Fearless.

Courageous.

A born leader.

Sir.

Is that it, Chief?

Select.

Coming right up.

What is he humming?

It sounds like Moon River...

Backwards!

Chief Inspector Dreyfus

is obviously nervous.

The President and the Commissioner

are waiting tensely

as the moment draws near.

Ladies and gentlemen,

after thoroughly searching the records

of 13,623,055 candidates,

I have come up with your man.

It's a man.

From the 11th Precinct

of the New York City Police Department,

I give you... A little drum roll, please...

Got a light, big boy?

Cliff, broads don't call

guys "big boy" anymore.

Right, Charlie.

I thought you didn't smoke.

I think it kinda goes with the look.

Thanks.

I don't believe it!

He's gonna blow their cover!

That's a nasty cough you got there, lady.

You shouldn't oughtta be smoking.

I lost a contact lens.

What?

I lost a lens.

I'll look for it later.

Can we just do with one?

I can't see without it,

and it cost me 85 bucks!

I'll lend you the money, for God's sake.

Oh, my... I found it.

Get it. Come on, let's go.

Well...

See you later.

He's gonna blow it.

He's gonna blow it.

Stay with him.

Don't forget the guys we're after

put a little old lady in the hospital.

I can't believe the lieutenant

would let a screw-up like Sleigh

work this kind of stakeout.

The lieutenant's been

under a lot of pressure lately.

Yeah? What kind of pressure?

Sleigh.

He's been driving the lieutenant bananas.

Maybe he hopes Sleigh will

end up like the little old lady.

Come on.

To tell you the truth, that thought

has passed through my mind.

Stop! Stop! Back up, back up, back up!

Stop! Stop! Go forward. Go forward.

Now, stop!

Hi there, beautiful.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote