Crazy, Stupid, Love Page #2

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- Are you sure you're okay?

- David Lindhagen, God.

Okay.

I'm sorry. Sorry about that.

It's okay.

Um...

- Mr. Weaver?

- Hmm?

Um...

You're the nicest dad that I babysit...

Of all the, um...

You're really nice.

- That's very nice.

- And, um...

...I like Ms. Weaver,

I like her a lot. Okay?

But if she wants to divorce you...

...then I think she's batshit crazy.

Mm.

- Sorry.

- Okay. Okay.

I hope this doesn't make you

uncomfortable.

- I've developed, like, a little crush...

- Could you do me a favor?

Would you not mention to your parents

that Mrs. Weaver and I are, you know...

It's something we wanna tell them

on our own, okay?

Yeah.

Thank you, I appreciate that.

Have a good night.

See you soon

Another vodka cranberry?

I'm sorry. What?

- Another vodka cranberry?

- Oh, yeah. Yes, thanks.

It's no surprise

I've been by this place

a million times, never come in.

It's nice, lot of pretty girls.

Nowhere

This is my life

- Hey, guess what.

- What?

My wife is having intercourse

with someone who is not me.

Um, I'm sorry to hear that.

Oh. Thank you. That is very nice

of you to say. Very, very nice.

She just told me. I just found out,

so I'm a little raw. It's...

Ah, okay. Well, you're not listening.

Okay.

You wouldn't ignore me

if I were David Lindhagen.

My wife doesn't ignore David Lindhagen.

She screws him.

Screws him.

They make this, like, gurgling sound,

it's like:

Gay.

- Hey, Cal.

- Hey.

Hey.

Oh, I just, uh... I got the report

on the end-of-year financials.

- Good. Good, good. Really great.

- Oh, good.

You killed this quarter.

Okay.

- Cal, seriously.

- All right.

- Okay.

- Seriously.

Who told you

that Emily and I are getting divorced?

- You're getting a divorce?

- Yeah.

Amy heard you crying in the bathroom.

We all thought it was cancer.

- Oh.

- Thank God, man. Ha-ha-ha.

Yeah, just my relationship.

- Thank God.

- Oh...

Divorce.

- I'm so lucky.

- You are.

- I have to go pick out furniture now.

- Okay, okay. You go for it.

It could have been cancer, buddy.

Hey, everyone, it's just a divorce.

All right, buddy.

Thanks. Feels good.

Cal? I just wanted to say...

Sh*t.

Can I back that thing

out of the driveway for you?

- Oh, no. I'll be fine.

- You have trouble in reverse, is all.

When I get settled, the kids can come

and take a look at my new place.

I think I'm having a midlife crisis,

maybe.

Can women have midlife crises?

In the movies it's always men having them

and buying ridiculous yellow Porsches...

...but, you know, I'm not a man.

Be sure to fertilize all this.

We got married so young, Cal.

And now I'm 44.

And it's so much older

than I thought I'd be.

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