Crazy, Stupid, Love Page #3

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There's a turnoff valve

for the sprinklers over there.

Last week, when I told you

that I had to work late...

...I went to see the new Twilight movie

by myself.

I don't know why I did that.

And it was so bad, Cal.

It keeps raining, you might

wanna turn off the automatic setting.

And we haven't been us.

Not for a long time.

And I don't know when you and I

stopped being us.

I mean, do you?

Maybe it's when

you screwed David Lindhagen.

Nobody wants to be alone

The heart beats happy

when it has a place

And if it doesn't have a home

It can come into my space

So you can be the one I love

I can be the one you long for

You can be the one I want

Hey.

Sorry I'm late,

I had to pick something up at Macy's.

- Oh. Don't even worry about it.

- A chardonnay.

I'm just glad you're here.

Wow.

I don't know. I don't know what happened.

Tough couple of days.

You know

when you don't see something coming...

Claire said I can't be friends

with you anymore.

What?

She said we had to choose

between you and Emily.

I chose you.

But she said no.

It's cologne.

Bernie?

- Are you breaking up with me, Bernie?

- There's a gift receipt in there also.

Bernie?

Bernie. Bernie.

I can be the one you long for

You can be the one

You know a word

that is not used very often anymore?

"Cuckold."

I'm a cuckold.

David Lindhagen cuckolded me.

He made a cuckold out of me.

He slept with my wife.

And I didn't know about it.

And that is the definition of cuckoldom.

David Lindhagen took my wife

and slept with her.

Thought I did everything right.

Got married, had kids, the house.

What do I get for it? I get cuckolded.

David Lindhagen cuckolded me.

He made a cuckold out of me.

Welcome to my spaceship

It's beautiful forever

Can you give me five minutes?

The heart's a lonely hunter

Interesting.

Hey. Jacob Palmer.

- Cal Weaver.

- Let me buy you a drink, Cal.

- Thanks, I have a drink.

- Sit. I'd like to buy you a drink.

Okay.

Guess what.

- My wife is having an affair with...

- David Lindhagen.

David Lindhagen. I know.

- How do I know that?

- I don't know.

I'm a total stranger. How would I know

something so intimate?

- Lindhagen screwing with your wife too?

- No.

- Hmm.

- You wanna know why I know that?

Okay.

It's all that I've heard, Cal, for the past

two nights. It's all anybody's heard.

You're going around and you're badgering

people with this sad-sack loser sob story.

- I don't understand why.

- I don't need this crap.

- Cal, sit down.

- All right.

Look, I know that it sounds harsh,

but it's true.

And you need to hear the truth. Okay?

Okay.

Cal, would you take that straw

out of your mouth? Please.

That looks like

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