Craig Ferguson Just Being Honest Page #3

Synopsis: In his second comedy special for EPIX, Craig Ferguson puts his sometimes cheeky, always irreverent spin on universal topics from sex and drugs to rock & roll-including his hilarious experiences with Mick Jagger and Kenny G.
Director(s): Jay Chapman
 
IMDB:
7.6
Year:
2015
75 min
108 Views


Believe what you want.

I don't care.

You know what offends me is

those bastards that walk around

with shoes that look like feet.

F*** those people!

Oh, my shoes look like feet.

Look at that!

Oh-ho!

My shoes, they look like...

It's like walking around

in your bare feet.

Oh, that's amazing.

That must be amazing.

What does that feel like?

You want to impress me, you have

feet that look like shoes.

That's a way to look smart

and save money at the same time.

Oh, my shoes look like feet.

You know the people

I'm talking about.

The bastards that play

Hacky Sack.

Hey, hey, hey!

That's another thing

that offends me...Hacky Sack.

That is not a sport.

That is not an activity.

It's stoner foot juggling.

My shoes look like feet.

Actually, I want to tell you

something.

I'll get on with the show

in a minute.

I, um...

I'll be fine.

It'll all cut together.

I was in Scotland recently,

and I was in a toy store

with one of my kids.

I wasn't just hanging around

in a toy store.

Hey, how you doing?

Like my shoes?

They look like feet, don't they?

I kind of creeped myself out

there a little bit.

No, I was in a toy store

with one of my kids,

and I saw that...in Scotland...

and I saw that they have

Hacky Sack in Scotland now,

but they've changed the name

of it

to make it sound more Scottish

to market it

to a Scottish audience.

So it's not called Hacky Sack.

It's called,

and I'm not kidding, footbag.

Footbag!

They have sucked all the joy

and frivolity

out of the activity

and made it sound like

an unpleasant medical procedure.

I'm afraid you're gonna have to

have a footbag, Mr. Ferguson.

Footbag.

Come on, let's play footbag

with the amputated scrotum

of an Englishman.

Ah, footbag.

Anyway, what I'm saying is

I don't like the people

with the shoes that look

like feet. I don't like that.

You know the people

I'm talking about?

The people that have got

prescriptions

for medical marijuana,

but they don't really need it.

It's like,

"Yeah, it's for my anxiety."

"I get really anxious

if I'm not high."

You know what? I don't want to

even smoke marijuana anymore.

I haven't smoke marijuana

in over 20 years,

but at least when I did,

it was illegal.

You f***ing pussies!

You don't have the decency

to buy your recreational drugs

from a dangerous criminal

in a truck stop bathroom.

F*** you people!

Oh, my shoes look like feet.

Ah, ah, ah.

I don't like that whole

"things are like other things"

way of life.

I don't like it.

You know, it's like,

my shoes look like feet.

Oh, this tofu

tastes like bacon.

No, it doesn't!

No, it doesn't!

It tastes like feet.

My shoes look like feet.

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Craig Ferguson

Craig Ferguson (born 17 May 1962) is a Scottish-American television host, comedian, author and actor. He was the host of both the syndicated game show Celebrity Name Game (2014–2017), for which he has won two Daytime Emmy Awards, and of Join or Die with Craig Ferguson (2016) on History. He was also the host of the CBS late-night talk show The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014). In 2017 he released a web show with his wife Megan, titled Couple Thinkers. It ran for six episodes from October 9, 2017. It is available on YouTube. After starting his career in Britain with music, comedy and theatre, Ferguson moved to the United States where he appeared in the role of Nigel Wick on the ABC sitcom The Drew Carey Show (1996–2004). He has written and starred in three films, directing one of them, and has appeared in several others, including several voice-over roles for animations. Ferguson has also written two books: Between the Bridge and the River, a novel, and American on Purpose, a memoir. He was naturalised as a United States citizen in 2008. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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