Craig Ferguson Just Being Honest Page #3
- Year:
- 2015
- 75 min
- 108 Views
Believe what you want.
I don't care.
You know what offends me is
those bastards that walk around
with shoes that look like feet.
F*** those people!
Oh, my shoes look like feet.
Look at that!
Oh-ho!
My shoes, they look like...
It's like walking around
in your bare feet.
Oh, that's amazing.
That must be amazing.
What does that feel like?
You want to impress me, you have
feet that look like shoes.
That's a way to look smart
and save money at the same time.
Oh, my shoes look like feet.
You know the people
I'm talking about.
The bastards that play
Hacky Sack.
Hey, hey, hey!
That's another thing
that offends me...Hacky Sack.
That is not a sport.
That is not an activity.
It's stoner foot juggling.
My shoes look like feet.
Actually, I want to tell you
something.
I'll get on with the show
in a minute.
I, um...
I'll be fine.
It'll all cut together.
I was in Scotland recently,
and I was in a toy store
with one of my kids.
I wasn't just hanging around
in a toy store.
Hey, how you doing?
Like my shoes?
They look like feet, don't they?
there a little bit.
No, I was in a toy store
with one of my kids,
and I saw that...in Scotland...
and I saw that they have
Hacky Sack in Scotland now,
but they've changed the name
of it
to make it sound more Scottish
to market it
to a Scottish audience.
So it's not called Hacky Sack.
It's called,
and I'm not kidding, footbag.
Footbag!
They have sucked all the joy
and frivolity
out of the activity
and made it sound like
an unpleasant medical procedure.
I'm afraid you're gonna have to
have a footbag, Mr. Ferguson.
Footbag.
Come on, let's play footbag
with the amputated scrotum
of an Englishman.
Ah, footbag.
Anyway, what I'm saying is
I don't like the people
with the shoes that look
like feet. I don't like that.
You know the people
I'm talking about?
The people that have got
prescriptions
for medical marijuana,
but they don't really need it.
It's like,
"Yeah, it's for my anxiety."
"I get really anxious
if I'm not high."
You know what? I don't want to
I haven't smoke marijuana
in over 20 years,
but at least when I did,
it was illegal.
You f***ing pussies!
You don't have the decency
to buy your recreational drugs
from a dangerous criminal
in a truck stop bathroom.
F*** you people!
Oh, my shoes look like feet.
Ah, ah, ah.
I don't like that whole
"things are like other things"
way of life.
I don't like it.
You know, it's like,
my shoes look like feet.
Oh, this tofu
tastes like bacon.
No, it doesn't!
No, it doesn't!
It tastes like feet.
My shoes look like feet.
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"Craig Ferguson Just Being Honest" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/craig_ferguson_just_being_honest_6013>.
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