Cougar Club Page #3

you're all f***ing hired!

- ( Archibald laughing )

- Woman:
He forgets sometimes

he hired me over 15 years ago.

Oh.

- Is that Mr. Stack?

- Oh, no. That was Mr. Archibald.

But don't worry, he has hiring

and firing privileges too.

I'll show you where we keep

the plant maintenance kit.

Don't they have plant maintenance

people for stuff like that?

Oops. They only come

once a week.

Mr. Archibald

likes it done twice.

It's okay.

Once you make partner

you won't have to do it anymore.

Woman over radio:

Good morning, Angelenos.

- ( clock beeping )

- It's gonna be a hot,

muggy one out there today,

busting up to the century mark.

And on to the news.

The stock market is up 12 points

and, in sports, the LA Cougars

won the WABA Championship

- by 16 points.

- ( meows )

And in entertainment news,

it says here a '60s sex symbol...

- ( beeping continues )

- Spence, would you get that?

...on Pacific Coast Highway.

That's right, that's what it says.

( grunts )

You bar-flunking freak!

Where in the hell

did you get these numbers?

I don't know.

( whispers )

It's that Karl guy.

( whispering )

You know what I heard?

The poor bastard fucks

the file cabinets to blow off steam.

You butt-licker!

What part of your maggot-rotten brain

sh*t out these numbers?

- Well, obviously, I made a mistake.

- Well, obviously.

And now Sarah Tucker's alimony

is on the line!

Better fix it--

best piece of ass I've ever had.

- ( licks )

- Did you hear that?

The best piece of ass

he's ever had.

Who brought you in here, anyway?

Well, my Uncle William is

a good friend of Mr. Conrad.

Well, that's not gonna save you

when you flunk the bar next month,

because next month

you're gonna be good and fired.

- I hope not.

- Good and fired!

Karl, do you need to use the bathroom

or did you already sh*t in your pants?

I might have

dripped a little, but, umm--

It wasn't a real question,

you taint-licking hemorrhoid.

- ( crying )

- These guys are f***ers.

I gotta go get the file boxes.

Loosen up, would you?

( whimpering loudly )

( ballad playing )

Hi.

( gasps )

- Are you gay?

- What?

No.

No...

Whoa, big fella. Down.

It's not polite to point

in the office.

Gonna plant that mushroom?

A little young for me, but--

oh, for you...

( chuckles )

I have-- I have to get

the file boxes.

- Okay.

- Okay. Take care of some business

- while you're in there.

- Okay.

I'm gonna push out

a little turtle head.

- I'll meet you back in there.

- All right.

Hey hey hey!

You two-- sh*t-turd guys--

get in here and get

the jelly out of my toes.

- Uh...

- Mmm, mmm.

I want you to really get in there--

under the nail.

And give us a nice trim

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