Confessions of a Sociopathic Social Climber Page #2

but the truth is no one|will work with you.

-Your reputation proceeds you.|-Really?

Stop that. It's not good to|be known as a prima donna.

Even though my last Campbell's|campaign doubled their sales.

You're the one who told me you|needed help with the workload.

You have Dr. Bolls|tomorrow at noon.

Take him under your wing.|Use him however you need.

However I need?

He's a dead man.

Carrot celery and wheatgrass|for me, thank you.

Non-fat milk.

-What is that?|-Baryshnikov.

-What's that?|-Skinny white Russian.

I thought you couldn't do lunch|because you had too many errands?

Darling, that's what|a cabana boy is for.

Sebastian!

After dropping off|my drycleaning...

he cleaned|my make-up brushes...

and then took the rest of his lunch|off to pick up my birth control.

Katya! That's horrible! He's|an assistant, not a slave.

Of course he's not. I would|never take advantage of him.

He does have a nice ass.

This is why you can never keep|a relationship, you objectify men.

He's not a man. He's a boy.

And the reason that I have|trouble keep a relationship...

is because the men I go out with are|not worthy of my inner goddess.

Your standards|are way too high.

What is wrong with wanting a man that|has the looks of George Clooney...

the real estate|of Donald Trump...

and the bank account|of Bill Gates?

Because, for the hundredth|time, he doesn't exist!

Yes he does. I just|haven't found him yet.

And until I do, I'm prepared|to be a single mother.

-Excuse me?|-I'm ready to adopt Sabelo.

Katya, I'm so thrilled!

You're making a difference|in a child's life.

What do I have to do|to get the write-off?

PS:
That Aunt Jemima thing|out. Kapish?

'I'm always dressed|in head-to-toe designer...

prefer platinum|to white gold...

and frequent all the best|restaurants in San Francisco.'

Katya, the child lives|in a dung hut.

I know! And he lists his|favorite hobby as 'eating'.

So we already|have so much in common!

Listen, I'm happy to help|with your personal stuff...

but I also really want to help|you on your campaign, please.

Dookie...

You've already got so much on|your plate it makes me tired.

Anyhow, I think I'm going|to take a ciggie break...

while you finish up|my 'to do' list.

I thought you were quitting?

It's not lit.

But don't tell anyone. I don't|want to miss out on the break.

Speaking of, time's up.|You coming?

I'm not finished.

Je ne sais quoi, check.

I didn't know what size you wanted,|so I got you the super pack.

Do I know you?

Good afternoon.

Gas chamber|or lethal injection?

I am on a break.

I'm sorry.

Next up, Melissa Rivers|on In the Know.

Watch out San Francisco! You have|no ideal what's coming your way...

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