Confessions of a Dangerous Mind Page #2

management trainee.

[Both moaning]

BARRIS:
Life was sweet...

CHUCK:
Uhh.

For a minute.

WOMAN ON TV:
Everything's

either madly exciting...

on madly interesting.

I lope Sally never

bothers herself with you.

[Turns on faucet]

I got fired today.

Fired?

Yeah, fired.

GEORGIA:
Fined?

What the f***

did you get fired for?

CHUCK:
I don't know.

Efficiency cutbacks.

Some bullshit.

Look. It's gonna be fine.

I'm pregnant.

So, I figured,

I'm gonna skip town.

I intend to be important,

you know?

I can't be saddled with this.

Pbbt!

But then I remembered

something Carlyle said.

"Do the duty

which lies nearest thee."

So you see...

MAN:
Who's Carlyle?

Dear God.

Why do I even bother?

F*** you,

you condescending prick.

Pregnant?

Yeah, pregnant.

F*** you.

What the f***

did you get pregnant for?

F*** you.

What do you mean, what the f***

did I get pregnant for?

You got me f***ing pregnant,

you f***.

Well, f*** you.

F*** you.

- F***in'...

- F*** you.

F***.

F*** you.

[Dramatic music playing

on television]

GEORGIA:
Looks like

I was just late.

Oh, yes, we had a great time.

The crew loved him

and loved the show, you know?

Because it was crazy.

And we could do anything

we wanted to... sort of...

and, uh, yeah,

they liked him very much.

He was a good guy.

Even though he's a prick,

he's a good guy, too.

DICK CLARK:
"What is

labeled a dream faculty.

"Wouldn't school be wonderful

if we had a faculty like this?"

You need it. All right?

GIRL:
"Principal Sal Mineo.

Vice Principal Tony Perkins..."

CLARK:
Couldn't you see

going to a school...

where Sal Mineo

is the principal?

BARRIS:
In '61. I had become

a minor suit at ABC.

It was during

the music payola scandal...

so my job was to commute

to Philly every day...

to the "American Bandstand"

tapings...

to keep an eye on Dick Clark.

CLARK:
One more lady's choice

of the afternoon to go...

and suppose we make it

this one. OK?

BARRIS:
On weekends...

I used to hang around

amusement parks...

because that's where

the young girls were.

I wrote a song

about my experiences.

# When you stop at the top

of a Ferris wheel... #

I got it to

Freddy "Boom Boom" Cannon...

through my friendship

with Dick Clark.

Dick nearly wanted

to help me out.

CHUCK:
Hi.

- What?

- Hi.

Oh.

I wrote this song.

Huh.

It's number three

on the pop charts. See?

- Uh-huh.

- Yeah.

I believe there's

a great future in television.

Uh-huh?

So I'm gonna take my royalties

and create a pilot.

A pilot's what they call

a test TV show.

I work in TV.

Yeah? What's your name?

I'm Chuck.

- Debbie.

- Debbie.

CHUCK:
So, You live in Philly?

DEBBIE:

No, I live in Manhattan.

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