Comedy Central Roast of Denis Leary Page #2

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Halfway through the film,

We couldn't.

The lines were

Too long at the exit.

"Operation dumbo drop",

Let me ask you,

At what point when

You were reading the script

Did you say, "i have to do this

F***in' film ?"

Was it when you

Were fighting with ray liotta,

Or was it when you were

Strapping a parachute

To an elephant's

A**hole ?

Is that when it hit ?

I understand why

You did the movie.

I mean, it's not every day

You get to work

With the guy

Who wrote "police academy 4".

You've made more bombs in

The last five years than hamas !

Folks, i love denis leary,

He's done

A lot for my career.

Thank you very much, denis !

( Cheers and applause )

Hi, there.

I'm television's

Conan o'brien.

I know we're here to roast

Denis leary this evening,

But i'm not gonna do that.

I have too much respect

For denis.

You see, unlike most comedians,

Denis has convictions,

Integrity.

In a dishonorable

Business,

He's a man of honor

Who stands for something.

Now, i have more to say

About denis

After this quick message.

You want your car

To last forever, right ?

How do you feel about

Friction, tightwad ?

( denis )

This is quaker state higher mileage engine.

Proven to reduce friction,

And condition seals.

We're back.

Denis, of course,

Is famous for his anger.

A righteous anger

That he reserves for only

The most deserving of targets.

More on denis,

Right after this.

Over time, seals combust.

Hey, hey !

Rings can blow.

Don't forget

Metal-to-metal contact !

And we're back.

And denis isn't just a hero

Here in america,

His reach is global,

And his message is

One for all mankind.

( Speaking in spanish )

So denis,

Here's to you.

Thanks for keeping it real.

Right now, i want

To introduce a fellow

Who's playing roger healy

In the off-broadway production

Of "i dream of jeannie".

Please welcome adam ferrara !

( Cheers and applause )

Thank you, jeff.

Good to see you

Again.

And congratulations

On all your success.

hbo is doing a spin-off series

Starring jeff.

It's called

"Curb your appetite".

Hiya, pal !

Is this great ?

Look at this.

The red carpet,

This set,

A kick-ass band.

You are not only

A fine actor and a stand-up,

You're a magician.

Anybody who can get

This kind of money

out of

F***ing comedy central.

Vincent,

Good to see you.

All "the sopranos"

Boys are here.

"The sopranos" boys are here,

And if anybody asks,

They've been here since 4:30.

Robert deniro is not here

This evening

Because he's

Robert f***in' deniro.

You went from being

In a movie with

Deniro and dustin hoffman,

To doing a t.V. Show

With lenny clarke and me.

next stop, quaker state.

It was

A great show.

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