Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen Page #3

Synopsis: It's Charlie Sheen's turn to step in to the celebrity hot seat for the latest installment of The Comedy Central Roast.
 
IMDB:
7.8
TV-MA
Year:
2011
90 min
533 Views


like the character

he plays on TMZ.

And people say,

"Oh, he's crazy,"

you know, just because he likes

beautiful women

to come to his house, have sex

with him, and then leave.

What a nut.

First time I hung out

with Charlie

was at his house

after the super bowl.

Bunch of hot chicks

showed up, and...

I looked up, I saw

my old girlfriend, and...

Charlie put his arm around me

and said, "Pick a hooker."

First time in my life I cried

and came at the same time.

No, it wasn't.

And now a joke.

How much blow

can Charlie Sheen do?

Enough to kill

Two and a Half Men.

I'm kidding.

The man is misunderstood.

Eight-balls of hern--

bad for you?

Or as Charlie sees it,

the most important

meal of the day.

Now, sure, things

got pretty crazy for a while.

He was all mixed up.

But he knew it was time

to get straight

when he put

his dick in his coke

and his razor in his hooker.

And did you know Charlie's--

according to the Torah,

he's Jewish?

And not because

his mother's a Jew,

but because CBS paid him

$50 million

and he still sued the network.

Now, listen,

despite what you read,

Charlie's still close

to all of his exes.

Why, well, just recently,

he took Brooke Mueller

to Mexico...

Where he banged her ass so hard

three balloons of coke

fell out.

But Charlie's a gentleman.

He put them back in.

Picture it!

Thank you.

Coming up, Kate Walsh...

Oh, Charlie, wait till you see

what the doctor's got in order.

Mike Tyson, Amy Schumer,

Jeff Ross...

The real Gaddafi

is hiding in Charlie Sheen's

nostrils right now.

- Steve-O.

- Yeah.

Anthony Jeselnik...

[Bleep] off.

William Shatner,

Patrice O'Neal,

and Charlie Sheen.

Charlie, as you put it best,

it's just words.

All right.

Our next roaster is Kate Walsh.

Why are you here?

Let me say that it is a thrill

to be around the hottest,

sexiest woman of 2002.

Let's give a big round

of meno-plause

for the beautiful

and talented Kate Walsh.

Seth MacFarlane,

the only difference between you

and the hooker Charlie

locked in the closet

is that the hooker

eventually came out.

After years of playing

a doctor on Grey's Anatomy

and Private Practice,

people actually think

I'm a real doctor,

so I figured, "[Bleep] it.

"I'm gonna start giving

some professional diagnoses

to these people over here."

For instance, Jeff Ross,

your results have come back,

and I'm going

to tell you something

that you have never heard

about any of your TV pilots.

You tested positive.

Congratulations, Jeff.

And, Jeff, listen,

I know you're concerned

about your complexion,

but you have to stop

letting Mike Tyson

[bleep] all over your face.

He looks good.

I like the way he looks.

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Ray James

Raymond Russell Neill James (c. 1941 - 15 February 2011) was a former journalist and sports editor who worked in radio and television in Tasmania from the 1960s to the 1990s. He was inducted into the Tasmanian Football Hall of Fame in 2008.James began his broadcasting career with Radio 7HO in Hobart. By the mid-1970s he had moved to Launceston and taken the role of hosting Sports Club on TNT-9. James remained in that role until the program ceased in the early 1990s. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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