Comedy Central: Roast of Justin Bieber Page #2
- TV-MA
- Year:
- 2015
- 84 min
- 2,014 Views
[gospel organ playing]
We're going to talk about
second chances and third chances
and 15th chances.
Sometimes it can be
hard to believe,
but I'm not asking you all
to believe.
I'm asking you to "beliebe."
Yes, yes.
I'm asking you
to "beliebe" in a man
with the voice
of Stevie Wonder
and the driving skills
of Stevie Wonder.
"Are you ready to beliebe?"
[cheers and applause]
No.
No, no, no.
I'll ask again.
I said,
"Are you ready to beliebe?"
[crowd cheering]
Are you ready
to become Beliebers?
[crowd cheering]
Then, ladies and gentlemen,
Justin Bieber.
[gospel music]
(all) Got to Beliebe
(Kevin) Yeah.
Got to Beliebe
He's gonna make a Belieber
A Belieber out of me
- Yes!
When you Beliebe
When you Beliebe
You will be down, way down,
on your bendin' knee
I'm gonna be a Belieber
Till the day I die
(Kevin) Yeah.
Shout "I beliebe"
from the mountain high
(Kevin) Hey.
Got to Beliebe.
(Kevin) Hey.
Got to Beliebe
He's gonna make a Belieber
A Belieber out of me
Oh, sh*t.
Oh, sh*t.
Oh, sh*t.
The white--
Watch out. Watch out!
Let me through.
Jesus, no.
(woman)
Oh!
(Kevin)
Not like this.
Wait, wait.
He's moving! He's moving!
[all cheering]
[gospel music]
(all)
He's still alive,
We thought he died
You can't kill Justin Bieber
no matter what you try
It's time to go
on with the show
But you got to--
Got to Belie-e-ebe
Yeah.
Come on.
Yeah, oh.
Justin Bieber, everybody.
[cheers and applause]
(Kevin)
Nice. How you doing?
(Kevin) You're good?
- Yep.
That's good.
I'm glad that you're good.
- All right.
- Here's the thing.
Before we get off
to any roasting and any digging,
I want everybody
to understand this,
have it all.
I'm serious.
He has a dick and a p*ssy.
Justin, stand up.
Pop that thing one time.
Show 'em. Give 'em
that hermaphrodite twerk
one time.
I've seen it.
No? No?
Let's be honest.
Justin, you made a few mistakes.
You're not perfect.
He's done some things.
Dude, you got caught peeing
on a video in a mop bucket.
Why are these idiots
who work for you
taping you pissing?
That's what I don't understand.
Like, when someone's
filming you taking a piss,
if you don't want them
to tape you,
you turn around, you say,
"Turn the Goddamn camera off,"
unless it's mandatory
like Snoop pissing
in front of his parole officer.
That's different, Snoop.
That guy's got to see
your dick.
I get it.
That's a criminal joke to Snoop
'cause he's been to jail.
You were on the cover
of Men's Health.
He's getting
a lot of slack
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"Comedy Central: Roast of Justin Bieber" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 17 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/comedy_central:_roast_of_justin_bieber_5801>.
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