College Road Trip Page #2

- Hey, Hunter!

- Hey, Hunter!

Hunter in the house!

- We don't say that anymore.

- We don't say that anymore.

- I'm bringing it back!

- Okay.

So it might be emotional,

and there might be tears,

but that's why they call it "tough love."

- Now, once they're potty-trained...

- Uh-uh. Baby?

I think we've had enough

parenting talk for tonight, hmm?

You're absolutely right.

Why tell them,

when I could show them?

Uh-uh. No...

Ta-da!

Welcome to the

James Porter School of Raising Kids.

Our motto is, "Be there, take video."

(CHUCKLES)

Which one?

(HUMMING)

- Wow.

- Super.

All righty!

MELANIE ON TV:
My name is

Melanie Porter, and I am six years old.

Ta-da!

That's my baby!

Yeah. Yeah.

Dad, I can't move my legs!

I can't pedal!

MELANIE:
(SINGING) A-B-C-D-E-F...

(WHISPERING) In the future,

all video will be implanted in our brains.

Perfect.

(GRUNTING)

Why do you keep eyeballing me?

Seeing the O'Mallys tonight

reminded me of when I was pregnant

with Melanie.

Doesn't seem that long ago.

I can tell you one thing.

I was not as uptight as him.

You were my rock.

Right until they wheeled me into that

delivery room. Then you passed out.

No, I did not pass out.

I just didn't get a nap that day.

Well, it all worked out.

We got great kids.

That's why I can sleep at night.

- Good night. All right.

- Good night, babe.

(GRUNTING)

Babe! The pig! Hey, baby! Look! Look!

There's nothing there. Go to sleep!

- That little Houdini... He was just...

- Do what you gotta do.

MELANIE:
Dad!

(SCREAMING)

- MELANIE:
Mom!

- Hold on!

Dad! Hurry up, please!

Mom, Dad! Hurry!

- I can't believe it!

- Mel!

(GASPING)

Melanie, what is it?

ANSWERING MACHINE:

Miss Porter, Judge Mahagian calling.

The Georgetown

admissions committee

is interviewing a select few students

from the waitlist.

You'll need to be in DC

this Monday at 4:00.

Congratulations,

and have a lovely trip.

(SCREAMING)

(WHOOPING)

(SQUEALING)

(WHOOPING)

(WHOOPING)

Little bro, what are you

so excited about?

I'm going to turn your room

into a science lab!

JAMES:
For all of you who don't know,

we live near Chicago.

Georgetown is in Washington, DC.

That's 700 miles away from home.

ANIMATED FAN 1:
Georgetown!

ANIMATED FAN 2:
Georgetown!

- Happy dance!

- Happy dance!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

(HUMMING)

(GRUNTING)

- I said, "Whoa!"

- Oh, my goodness! You guys!

No way. He said Monday.

That's in three days.

MELANIE:
You know what?

We should drive there.

- We should make a trip of it.

- Yeah.

Trip? What trip?

- Oh, Monday!

- What?

Baby, I got two open houses

this weekend.

(SNIGGERING)

Okay, no. But that's okay. That's okay.

You know why?

Because Katie and Nancy

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