Clinger Page #2

Sorry, Fern.

Much better.

How much time do I have to

cut for a shot at the MIT team?

At least five

seconds off your 400.

I'll get it down.

I know.

And sorry about

your dead boyfriend.

Side hug.

Maybe I'll see him

lingering around somewhere.

Sounds like he had

a tragic death.

What?

Never mind.

I made you macaroni

with bacon bits,

because when I was a

cook in the Marines

that's what we served

this to boost morale.

Semper Fi!

You know I really

did like Robert.

I thought he was a great guy.

He was really cute.

He could play guitar.

I think he'd be the next

Bob Dylan if he... lived.

Mom, Dean can stay

for dinner, right?

Yes!

I can't stay, babe, dinner

meeting tonight.

Also gotta feed the dog.

It's been like

three days.

I love you.

Cool.

See you, Fern.

People like Dean are

the reason this country

is going down the shitter.

Dad!

Coach Valeria?

What the hell

are you doin' here?

You're a ghost hunter?

Sh*t.

I don't do that anymore.

Wait.

Go away, Fern.

I need your help.

Nice place.

Ghost hunting

makes a lot of money.

But that website

was from the 90's.

I been meaning to take it down.

Coaching has been my cover

ever since I... retired.

Well, can you unretire?

Please.

I get the job done, that's it.

Don't be calling me at

all hours of the night

when your doodads are

floating around your room.

Thanks, Coach.

Now when did the

hauntings begin?

Last night a heart

appeared in my macaroni

and earlier in the

day there was this...

Sounds like a love ghost,

but it could be a

butt-burrowing lava demon.

God.

Fern, you don't want to

get involved in this sh*t.

Love ghosts have been

known to manipulate reality

and make things come to life.

And butt-burrowing lava

demons, well... they hurt.

They come in through

the back door.

I mean, back door, back door.

Brrrr.

All in your insides.

Ignore the hauntings.

I'm not ignoring Robert.

And I'm definitely not

ignoring a butt-eating fire...

Butt-burrowing lava demon.

Amateur.

Bingo.

Amorem excitare spiritus.

I took Latin

for a semester.

If that helps at all.

My.

Damn, it's a love ghost.

And your eyes

were turning white.

How does that even happen? I made a

connection with the netherworld.

To deal with love ghosts you

have to know three things.

Rule number one, to summon

Robert, say his name three times

while standing on your head.

Rule number two, love

ghosts can't move on.

Literally. They can't move far from

the places you spent time together.

Rule number three, only

you can see Robert,

since he's your love ghost.

No one else can see him.

Ignore Robert. Sooner or later he'll

be swallowed into the hell pits

of eternal darkness.

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