Chaos Theory Page #2

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- An even better one, I think.

- It better be better.

- Does anyone wanna hear it?

- Come on.

Okay. So, um, I resolve to...

...find a husband.

What?

- Yeah. I'm afraid so. It's true.

And, um, uh, I've decided

to pick from my friends.

You know, I don't wanna marry

a stranger or anything. So, um...

- Who wants to be my husband?

- I do.

- I'll do it.

- Me, me, me.

Sh*t. Oh, God. How will I ever choose?

- By size. By size, boys.

- By size of what, exactly?

Whatever pleases you the most.

- I don't like guesswork, Buddy.

- There won't be any guesswork involved.

- You just keep Mr. Ed in your pants.

Oh, my God. That's actually

what you call it. Mr. Ed?

- That's charming.

- Wait, that's it. That's perfect.

What could be more revealing about a man?

Best nickname for your dick...

...becomes my husband.

Right. Okay, so who's first? Come on.

Ken, what do you got for me?

Come on, baby.

Is it too hard of a question

for you or something?

- Uh, okay.

- What's her name?

I call him...

...Squeaky the Bald-Headed Mouse.

- Oh, my God, you don't.

- Because he likes holes.

- Are you serious?

- There's an animal theme going on here.

- Buddy? Come on.

- You already know, come on.

What?

It's Master of the Universe,

Defender of our Galaxy.

Oh, sh*t, man.

Couldn't it be "God Almighty"

or something?

- Uh, well, that's my tongue, actually.

- Oh, God. Whatever.

- Okay, Frank?

- Truth.

- Yeah, come on, spit it out.

- The truth.

That's... That's what I call it.

Truth.

I'm sorry it's not a farm animal.

I'm sorry.

- You should be.

- Ten, nine...

...eight, seven, six, five...

...four, three, two, one.

Happy New Year!

It was always gonna be you.

Uhh...

- Daddy.

What is that?

- It's your daughter.

No.

I don't have a daughter this early.

- Whatever's there, kill it.

- Hurry.

- It's wide awake.

- We're gonna miss the sun.

Okay, okay, okay. I'm going, I'm going.

Go away.

Hurry, Daddy.

- Let's let Mommy sleep.

- Hurry.

- Okay.

Come on.

Okay, okay, okay.

Ready?

To give a good speech.

Your turn.

Nice writing.

I wish, I wish, upon the sun,

that my wish is number one.

And what did you wish for?

That Mary Ross will get hit by a truck.

Well, that's not very nice.

I thought Mary was your best friend.

- I divorced her.

- You can't divorce a friend.

- Why not?

- Because divorce is for married people.

That's okay. As long as a truck hits her.

All right, killer, come on.

- Let's go dogpile Mommy.

- Yay.

Shoot. Hey, Monster,

have you seen my morning list?

You need a list to keep track of your lists.

Oh, thank you.

No, honey, that's all sugar

and food coloring.

You've had enough. Go get dressed.

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