Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy Page #2

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All right, here's one. So, a horse walks

into a bar and the bartender says,

"Why the long face?"

(BOTH LAUGHING)

-That's hilarious.

-Hey. F*** you.

-Whoa !

-What the hell's your problem?

You're my problem, dude.

That joke is offensive.

-Yeah?

-Yeah. I'm sorry that not everyone

conforms to your preconceived notions

of attractiveness.

-It's a joke, man.

-Oh. Yeah? It's a joke? How about this?

Why are there

so few black baseball players?

-Why?

-Because they're always stealing bases.

(LAUGHING)

-Whoa ! Hey, now that is offensive.

-Yeah, what the hell, man?

-Hey, it's a joke, man.

-Yeah, but it's racist.

The horse with the long face

just told a racist joke, huh?

-That's different.

-Yeah, how's it different?

Hey, why do you have so many drinks

and you haven't touched any of them?

Hello, Einstein, hooves.

No f***ing thumbs, can't pick up a glass.

-Well, then, why are you in a bar?

-Eat sh*t, that's why. D*ckhead.

Look, look. I think we all

got off on the wrong foot here.

-Yeah, well, you got that right.

-We're sorry, okay?

-All right, me, too.

-Look, I'm Mike and this is Harry.

Sarah Jessica Parker.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Hello and welcome back

to Name That Animal Penis.

I'm here with our reigning champion

Kevin Biggins,

who has advanced

to the Glory Hole Round,

which means

we're gonna stick a live animal's penis

through that hole over there.

And if you can guess

what type of animal it belongs to,

you're gonna win $100,000. Are you ready?

I'm ready to name that animal penis, Bob.

All right, then let's fill that Glory Hole.

(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

-Wow.

-That sure is an animal penis.

-l can smell it from here.

-Are you ready to identify it?

(EXHALES)

-Man, I don't know.

-Talk it out.

Well, it looks like some kind of

large jungle cat, but I'm not really sure.

You still have a lifeline.

Would you like to use it?

-Yeah, I'm gonna call my dad.

-Good luck. You have 30 seconds.

(PHONE DIALING)

(PHONE RINGING)

-Hello?

-Dad, it's Kevin.

What kind of animal's penis

is brown and purple,

about a foot and a half and really veiny?

-What? Where are you?

-No time, Dad.

I just need to know about the penis.

It has a very strong

kind of burnt smelling odor...

-Kevin, it is the middle of the night.

-MOM:
Michael, who is that?

DAD:
It's Kevin.

He's asking about animal penises.

MOM:
What? Why?

Dad, I really need to know

about this penis.

It looks like a panther's,

but the fur is too light,

-and the balls are just huge.

-MOM:
What?

DAD:
Kevin, you're upsetting your mother.

Linda, calm down.

(WOMAN CRYING)

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

(HANGS UP)

-That wasn't much help.

-No, not really. I'm still stumped.

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