Cashback Page #4

is crack my fingers.

you look like sh*t.

cheers.

- still not sleeping?

- no.

- feeling any better about suzy? - no.

- wanna talk about it?

- no.

no? why?

because every morning

you come by,

and every morning i talk

about the same thing.

and i'm bored of saying the same thing, and i'm bored of feeling sh*t about it.

and most of all i'm bored of

being awake 24 hours a day.

eew! look who didn't get out of bed on the wrong side this morning.

very funny.

but seriously, you're gonna feel like sh*t. it's gonna take time.

for instance, how long ago

did you think about her

before we started having

this conversation?

about ten minutes before

you knocked on the door.

oh, yeah.

and what was the thought?

i thought about the dust.

the dust?

god, you're weird!

anyway, whatever. my point is, every day you think about her

and the things that you associate with her less and less.

before long, you'll go a whole day without thinking about her.

you know what might help

speed up the process?

what?

me and sean had been friends

since we were five.

we lived across the street from one another, and grew up together.

for his 12th birthday,

sean's mom and dad

had bought him

a state-of the-art computer.

oh, mom!

come on, boys, it's a nice day.

why don't you play in the park?

no. we're okay

playing this.

okay, i'm off shopping. you be all right by yourselves?

yes, mom. bye, mom.

bye, mrs. higgins.

i won't be long.

- wanna see something?

- what?

- what are they?

- girls with no clothes on.

sean had found the magazines under his mom and dad's bed.

the swedish student was one thing, but this was something completely different.

the smiles on the girls' faces

and the total lack of shyness

about what they were showing the camera was so confusing for me.

i had never seen the female part

up close and in so much detail.

i guess i imagined

something neater,

like a smooth hole

drilled into a piece of wood.

the sort of hole where

you might place a wooden peg.

but the reality was much more

sexually aggressive.

it was hard to imagine

that my teacher, mrs. booth,

had one under her skirt

that looked just like it.

- mom!

forgot my purse.

hey, what have

you two been up to?

after that, sean's mom

always thought we were gay.

what will help speed up

the process?

you need to distract yourself

with a couple of natalies.

a natalie was a term that sean had coined for any sexual encounter

that happened with a girl you

weren't in a relationship with.

the term had come from a girl called natalie who lived across the street from sean.

- hello. is natalie in?

- yeah. natalie!

- yeah?

- it's for you.

you see, sean had

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