Carry on Nurse Page #2

- Through there, please.

I'm not going in. It's full of sick people.

I'll catch something.

You've already got something. Go in!

Ah. Mr Bishop? Come in, will you, please?

Now, will you please get into bed?

Look er...miss, I'm quite all right, you see.

I've sprained my wrist in a fight before.

All I need is a bit of the old massage.

- Your X-ray shows a dislocation and fracture.

- Well, the X-ray's wrong.

- It's just a sprain.

- Shall I give you a hand?

No, that won't be necessary, thanks.

- Bernie, you do as you're told.

- Yeah, but the point is, all...

(Sighs) I don't know.

All right, darling.

Kiss the baby for me.

Now, Mr Bishop, will you sit down, please?

Hey! Mr Hickson!

- Mr Hickson!

- Hm?

What? What?

Bernie Bishop's just come in. The boxer.

He's hurt his hand.

- What do you expect me to do? Stand...

- Ssh!

Stand up and cheer?

Do me a favour, will you? Go to sleep.

Sorry. I thought you were a fan.

Let's all get a bit of peace.

This is a madhouse.

I'll be glad when I get home.

Bernie Bishop, he says. Bernie... (Snorts)

Cor! What a punch, though.

He landed in Row F.

Well, don't worry. They'll soon fix that hand

so that you don't roll on it when you're asleep.

- Stand up, please.

- OK.

- There.

- Right.

- Now...

- Eh? What? What, what?

- Well, you can't sleep in those.

- That's quite all right.

- I can er...take 'em off.

- With one hand?

Yeah, I can manage. Thank you.

You two ladies, turn your backs, please.

Good. Wait a... Hey, what's going on?

You can't do...!

What a sauce! Nurse! Please!

Cor!

What a fuss about such a little thing.

(Impatient buzzing)

Come in.

- Good morning, Colonel.

- It's not. No racing.

What are we going to do

to amuse ourselves today, eh?

I really don't know, sir.

Not unless you're interested

in a little private wager, sir.

- What are you talking about?

- With me, that is.

You see, it's Matron's round today.

Well now, she usually averages about

14 minutes 10 to about 16 minutes 30 seconds

from the top of the stairs

to the last bed in the ward.

- Half a crown on the nearest time to a second?

- That's it.

- Are you on?

- I'm on, sir.

- Got a stopwatch?

- I'll get one.

- Just a moment. Don't... I want that!

- I'm sorry, it's Matron's round.

- What's going on?

- Matron's round.

I don't care if she's triangular.

Mick!

Mick! Mick!

The veranda! Sweep the veranda first!

Do you mind!

Oh, please! Let's get on!

- I say! You don't know what you've missed.

- Don't I?

The most marvellous recipe.

Don't you worry, I shall be at it

the moment I get out. It's made in a flash.

Camper's Jamboree Folly.

I have it here!

You take a couple of red raisins, two whites of

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