Carry on Girls Page #3

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As I was saying, you'll have at least a dozen

beauty queens staying here for a start.

- At the usual rate?

- You can't charge the contestants, can you?

Why not?

Well, they're the bait, aren't they?

When people hear about these dolly birds

staying here, they'll queue up for your rooms!

I don't doubt that. But I won't have anything

going on here that might upset my regulars.

Don't worry. I've fixed that. There will be

a full-time chaperone here day and night.

Well, that is better.

Who?

It wasn't easy, but we got it down

to a short list of possibles.

We had to find people

that would not take advantage of the situation.

Somebody honest and dependable

with strict morals.

- And?

- They talked me into it.

I knew it. Chaperone?!

You and a bunch of beauty queens?

It's like asking Dracula

to be in charge of a blood bank!

Darling, that's not true.

You know I don't go for beautiful women.

- I like you.

- That does it. Get out!

- All right, I'm going!

- You lecherous so-and-so! Get out!

Really, Mother!

I don't see why I have to come too.

You haven't come to

since the day you were born.

Look.

You were there

when he gave out this statement.

You even took this photograph

of the revolting man.

I want you here as a witness

to what the Mayor says.

She's still under way, sir.

She's not heaving to, sir.

Very well, Mr Christian,

fire a shot across her bows.

Aye aye, sir.

Oh, come along, answer the door.

(Bell rings)

- All right, I'm coming.

Sorry if I kept you waiting.

I was in the lav, you see.

Mrs Bumble,

I wish to speak to your husband immediately.

You'd better come in, then.

I've only got to go to the lav

and someone starts knocking at the door.

It's almost as if they knew.

Mind you, I must admit, I do go rather a lot.

Well, I'm not here to take a census

on toilet habits, Mrs Bumble.

Please take me to your husband.

I couldn't disturb him now, dear. He's upstairs.

Well, I damn well can!

Very well, Mr Christian.

Stand by to ram and board her.

You've seen this, I presume?

Yes, but...

you have no right to be in here, Mrs Prodworthy!

Never mind that. Do you mean to tell me that,

in my absence, the committee

actually approved this disgusting idea?

Mrs Prodworthy, I hardly think that this is

the time or the place to discuss matters.

Poppycock!

I've seen men naked before, you know.

Damn it, I've buried three husbands.

I'm not surprised to hear it!

Excuse us, sir.

- Come along, Mother, please.

- Now, you shut up!

I want a straight answer.

Was it or was it not approved?

Mrs Prodworthy,

I refuse to discuss this with you in my bath!

I am not in your bath, thank goodness.

- Was it or wasn't it?

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