Carry on Cruising Page #2

All from Tower Bridge to Margate.

- You're dead right, sir. How did you know?

- l'm psychic.

- Tom Tree, right?

- That's right, sir.

Branches everywhere! (Laughs)

- l twig.

- (Chuckles nervously)

We're moving!

- Oh, Glad!

- Oh, Flo! We're moving!

- Bye!

- Bye!

- Who are we waving to?

- l don't know.

- Oh, Flo!

- Oh, Glad!

- Let's go up the other end.

- Right. Oh!

Sorry, ladies. l didn't look where you were going.

- Do you think he drives the boat?

- He looked more like the conductor.

- Ooh!

- There, ma'am. ls that better?

- Yes, thank you. What is it l'm standing on?

- A bollard.

Oh! Fancy!

- Hey! Are we moving?

- That's right, chief.

Yeah, you know l thought l felt so...

(Clears throat)

'Ere, is something up, chief?

Surely you're not seasick?

But, chief, we've hardly left shore!

(Chuckles)

Yes, yes, yes.

Ah! Now that looks very comfy. (Chuckles)

Yes, just the sort of thing l need for the exercise.

Right. Never too early to start.

Argh!

Help! Help! Doctor! l want a doctor!

l could use one myself.

(Clears throat) What's the trouble?

- Seasick?

- Terrible.

- You don't look seasick.

- Well, l'm not up here.

- Where are you seasick?

- Down below.

- What do you mean?

- Out of sight of sea and sky.

Doctor, could you look at my green eye?

l'm worried.

- No, don't! Please!

- Don't be silly.

Don't shut the door.

As long as l can see the sea, l'm all right.

lt's only when l go down below

my tummy starts doing the twist.

For Mrs Beeton's sake, please help!

Marjoribanks, shut the door, will you?

- No! No!

- Be quiet, you gastronomic goon!

Do you want the whole ship

to know you're seasick?

Doctor, you must do something.

l mean, what a start,

if the cook can't cook

cos the quack can't cure him!

l'll cure him or kill him. Ooh!

All right, come here.

- No, let me see the sea, please.

- All right, have a look at the sea, then.

(Sighs)

- l hesitate to interfere...

- Go on hesitating.

l was going to suggest a traditional cure

for mal de mer.

l don't happen to be treating a mare.

Excuse me.

- Here, cooky.

- Thanks, cocky. l mean docky.

That'll soothe your nerves.

Water, nurse. l mean Marjoribanks.

Was that the kill or the cure? (Laughs raucously)

This happens to be the first of three stages.

(lmitates laugh)

Three stages?

l'm all right now! Ooph!

These tablets will counteract the somnolent

effect of the mixture and give you energy.

Now er...just a little shot er...to um...

increase the value of both treatments.

- Roll up the sleeves.

- No, thanks.

l can't bear to see the needle going in.

Oh. Well, there's only one other place

available. (Chuckles) Drop 'em.

- l'm not holding 'em, whatever they are.

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