Carry on Behind Page #2

WOMAN:
Come on, darling,

you know you can if you want to.

Come on, darling. Show me what you can do.

Come on... Out with it.

What a beauty!

- Hello, darling.

MYNAH:
How do you do? Oh, what a beauty.

He's a mynah.

I thought it was the milkman.

Mummy got hold of him last week.

- Who? The milkman?

- The mynah bird.

- What's it doing here, then?

- Well, he's coming with us.

Hang on a minute.

Your mother's not coming on holiday with us,

is she?

What could I say? She asked.

But where is she going to sleep?

We could rent one of those extension -tent things

that go on the side.

(Barks)

Oh, I think he wants to come inside the caravan.

If he's coming with us,

he's got to get used to staying outside.

But supposing it rains?

We'll buy him an umbrella.

(Dog whines)

Oh, we should have bought a bigger caravan.

Should've bought a smaller dog.

We'll leave him in the kennels.

You know very well

he couldn't bear to be parted from us.

He might like it in the kennels. He might get in

with a nice crowd of dogs and love it.

If he doesn't come, I don't go.

I'm not leaving him.

Now, you behave yourself, do you hear me?

- Yes, dear.

- Because if you get up to anything, I'll find out.

- Yes, dear.

- Don't worry, love. I will keep an eye on him.

And who's going to keep an eye on you?

- Bye-bye.

- Bye, love.

Ooh! Aah!

(Groans)

We must be mad,

letting them two go off together.

They're only going fishing.

Depends what they're trying to catch.

I shouldn't worry, dear.

They haven't got much in the way of bait.

BUTCHER:
Ta-ra, lovely. Ta-ra!

BUTCHER'S WIFE:

You remember, you take care of your rods.

(Butcher laughs)

Ta-ta!

- Hello, Mummy!

- Hello, darling!

Mummy's here.

You're not bringing those, are you?

- I can't leave them at home. They'll die.

- Good.

- Did you say something?

- I said, "Good, we've finished packing."

Put that on the table, will you?

Ow! Bloody hell!

Arthur, there is no need for that.

Oh, bother me. Bless my soul.

I do believe I nearly said a rude word,

cos I've got a cactus spike right up my...

(Thud)

- Arthur!

Er, who do we see?

Look. Look at that!

BOTH:
Phwoar!

Heh, heh! Makes you wish

you were single, doesn't it?

As far as this holiday is concerned, Ernie,

we is single, and don't you forget it.

- Good day.

- How do you do, sir?

- How's the weather been?

- Oh, excellent.

- Oh, nice vans, these.

- Not bad.

- How long?

- About 14 feet.

No, no, no. I mean, how long are you staying?

- Depends.

- On what?

- Whether we get any. (Chortles)

- How long will you be staying?

Well, like he says, it depends.

- On what?

- How long we can stick it.

Yes, well, you can stick it up...

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