Candy Jar Page #2

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you two have gotta agree

on something, anything,

or I swear

I'm gonna make the twins co-presidents.

Bennett said he raised money?

Am I to assume he went door to door?

'Cause his mother's an ATM with lipstick

who releases 50s every time she farts.

She's a very popular senator.

Please.

Julia's a state senator.

And to me, she's still the teenage robot

who lived in the library.

Hey! I live in the library.

- Yeah, you're different.

- Different how?

You're just different.

Listen, tomorrow you're gonna win

another trophy

and the Harvard application

isn't due for another week...

Four days.

Sh*t! Four days?

Okay, well, did you write it in?

Yes. Lona Skinner, co-president...

...of the Hemlock Prep Academy

Debate Club.

You should be proud of that.

What?

You earned it, and you are qualified,

and you are my son.

One second, baby.

Julia Russell.

Listen, I was in D.C. last week.

I'm going to D.C. next week,

so you tell those wrinkled old bags

that I am not coming to D.C. this week,

and if they lose their sh*t

I will buy each of them a diaper.

As a first-generation college student,

I know the importance of higher education,

which is why I started this foundation

that hands out scholarships.

I'm hanging up on you now.

Sorry, baby.

No, it's just that

being co-presidents is ridiculous,

- because Lona is impossible to work with.

- Oh!

Forget about her and her mother.

You just need to focus

on that good-looking dude in the mirror

that's getting into Yale. Am I right?

Right? Next month,

you'll qualify for the state tournament

and Harvard will give you a full ride,

just like Hemlock did.

Because we're poor.

No. Because you're smart.

And you're a hard worker.

And you're a kick-ass debater.

And because we're poor.

I'm just glad it'll all be over soon.

I'll be at Harvard and Bennett

will be at Yale, and that will be that.

You're right.

Good luck today, sweetie.

Oh, my God. It's not about luck, Mom.

We've been through this.

This isn't a sport, where the ball drifts

in and out of play

depending upon the weather.

This is a skilled event based on research,

memorization and execution,

where I am in charge of my own destiny.

- It's not about luck.

- Obviously.

I'm gonna go jump in the coffee

and make some shower.

Ladies and gentlemen, debaters and guests

welcome to the 51st Montague Classic.

The first round will be starting

in approximately ten minutes.

- Amy!

- Senator.

Senator? Please! Come on.

You know it's Julia. How are you?

I'm really well.

My daughter is the co-president

of the Hemlock Prep Academy

Debate Club, so...

How silly was that?

Co-presidents?

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