Caddyshack Page #3

Don't you see it?

Well, pick it up!

I'll put it right on the line.

There have been a lot

of complaints already:

Fooling around on the course,

bad language...

...smoking grass, poor caddying.

If you guys want to get fired...

...if you want to be replaced by golf carts,

just keep it up.

One announcement.

Carl Lipbaum died last week in summer

school from a severe anxiety attack.

I heard he swallowed his vomit

during a test.

However it happened, he was a good caddy

and a good kid.

He was a brownnose, Lou! You hated him.

Shut up! That means the caddy

scholarship is available again.

Anyone who's interested

should go see Judge Smails.

And kiss his ass!

That would help.

Let's move out. We've got golfers waiting.

You! Pick up that blood.

What kind of grades do I need

for this Caddy Scholarship deal?

If you've been a good caddy,

I think they're lenient.

We're about to tee off now...

...so call the hospital...

...and move my appointment

with Mrs. Bellows back 30 minutes.

Just snake a tube down her nose

and I'll be there...

...in four or five hours. Testing now.

Don't you have homes?

There's a brown Audi parked

in my parking space.

Get a tow truck over here

and have it hauled away immediately!

Look at the wax build-up on those shoes!

This is fine leather!

I want that wax stripped off!

I want them creamed and buffed

with a fine chamois.

I want them now!

You've got them, Judge!

Get dressed. You're playing golf today.

No, I'm not, Grandpa! I'm playing tennis!

You'll play golf and you'll like it!

What about my asthma?

I'll give you asthma!

What did you shoot today?

I don't keep score, Judge.

How do you measure yourself

with other golfers?

By height.

You should play with Dr. Beeper

and myself.

I mean, he's been Club champion

for three years running...

...and I'm no slouch, myself.

Don't sell yourself short, Judge.

You're a tremendous slouch.

Have you heard the latest one...

...about the Jew, the Catholic

and the colored boy who went to heaven?

That's a doozie, Judge!

Colored boy?

You son of a b*tch! I'll fix you!

Here you are, kid. Park my car,

get my bags...

...and put on some weight, will you?

Hey, Wang! What's with the pictures?

It's a parking lot! Come on.

I think this place is restricted,

so don't tell them you're Jewish.

I'm AI Czervik.

I'm playing with Drew Scott today

and this is my guest, Mr. Wang.

Give me half a dozen

of the Vulcan D-tens...

...and set my friend up

with the whole schmear.

You know, clubs, bags, shoes...

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