Bruno Page #2

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I wanna be a star.

-In?

-In a huge Hollywood movie.

-Can you make that happen?

-No.

-What?

-I definitely cannot.

But he did get me a starring role

in a top TV show as an extra.

All right, picture's next.

Last looks, please.

Set.

-Background.

-Action.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

it gives me no pleasure at all

to speak to you this afternoon.

The defendant, as you know,

has served our municipality

for more than 12 years as city controller.

So I was pained to learn that his debts

compelled him to accept

hundreds of thousands of dollars in bribes.

-Cut!

-Just do a little bit less.

-More or less?

-Less.

-Less. Okay.

-Yeah.

Sure. Thank you.

-Set.

-Action.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

I'm afraid it gives me no pleasure at all

to speak to you this afternoon.

As you know, the defendant has

served our municipality as city controller

for more than 12 years,

and I have known him personally

for most of that time.

So I was very pained to learn that

his personal debts

compelled him to accept bribes.

-Cut!

-Here, I'll take that.

-Okay.

-Thank you.

Sorry.

-Should we just go again?

-Okay.

As you know, the defendant

has served this municipality as

city controller for more than 12 years,

and I have personally known him

for most of that time.

That is why I was very pained to learn...

Cut. Sorry, I'm not feeling this one.

Could we go again?

This way.

You were actually my second choice.

I was going to go to the salon that maintains

Salma Hayek's inner thighs,

but the team that do it were booked up

for the next 4 days

because she's got the Elle Style Awards.

And they said they're, like, really,

really exhausted after they do her.

They're exhausted

after they wax Salma Hayek?

She must have a lot of hair.

They say that after a waxing,

there's enough to stuff a mattress.

Well. Speaking of rectums,

let's get you clean.

-Okay. There we go.

-There's not much.

Yeah, sure.

There you go. Now there's wax in there.

Telephone.

-Hello?

-Hey, how you doing, man?

Lloyd, hi. How are you?

I just got off the phone with the network.

They've agreed to do a screening.

Great! Das is all maximum Santzgaut!

In 2 days. I got them to pay

for a focus group for the show.

I think you just scraped my anus.

I did. I got you clean.

My stinker is slightly burning.

Is that normal?

What?

No, that was to the lady who is...

I'm in the salon, yes.

She's just washing my Arschwitz.

Is there any way we can get something

together enough to put it on?

-Okay, sure.

-All right. I'm gonna call them right now.

Are you using Vaseline?

No, lotion.

Could you take your finger

out of my Arschenholer?

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