Broadway Danny Rose

Synopsis: Danny Rose is a manager of artists, and although he's not very successful, he nevertheless goes out of his way to help his acts. So when Lou Canova, a singer who has a chance of making a come-back, asks Danny to help him with a problem, Danny helps him. This problem is Lou's mistress Tina. Lou wants Tina to be at his concerts, otherwise he can't perform, but he's married, so Danny has to take her along as if she was his girlfriend. Danny however gets more than he has bargained for when two mobsters come looking for the guy who has hurt their brother by stealing the heart of Tina, the girl he loves.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Woody Allen
Production: Vestron Video
  Nominated for 2 Oscars. Another 3 wins & 2 nominations.
 
IMDB:
7.5
Metacritic:
80
Rotten Tomatoes:
100%
PG
Year:
1984
84 min
1,863 Views


Thank you, thank you.

Oh, if you overate too much tonight...

... I got a great song that the paisans

would understand. It's "Agita".

Uno, two!

# Agita, my gumba, in the banzone

# When I eat,

he gets a treat like a canzone

# He enjoys every meal,

every bite that I steal

# Agita, my gumba, in the banzone

# Some people like their pizza,

some people like suffrite

# And others like hot pepper

on everything they eat

# You hunger with a vuole

to taste that bacala

# Then all at once you think

"Will I answer to gumba?"

# My lovely, lovely woman,

I hate to see her cry

# But when I start to mangia,

I get the evil eye

# My vuole's gettin' stronger,

ah, to hell with my gumba

# Then I get it from my woman,

che de botts a na sciatta

# Agita, my gumba, in the banzone

# When I eat,

he gets a treat like a canzone

# He enjoys every meal,

every bite that I steal

# Agita, my gumba, in the banzone

We got to do Miami jokes.

If you're in Florida, you do Miami jokes.

Morty, I tried Miami jokes.

I don't know what works any more.

- Why? What happened?

- I got that big Miami joke that I do.

About the hotels being expensive

and how much it costs...

...like $150 a day for a sleeping room,

and I said to the clerk "What's cheaper?"

He said "I got a room for $10,

but you make your own bed."

So he gave me a hammer and some nails.

That's the joke.

- It's a good joke. It works.

- Been workin' for years. Last night it died.

Really?

That audience sat there

like they were an oil painting.

I don't know why.

Always works when I do it.

You do that joke?

Maybe that's where I got it from.

When I broke into

this business in New York...

...I could play at least 12 to 20 weeks

a year without leaving the city.

- There was the Latin Quarter...

- The China Doll.

- China Doll...

- Queen's Terrace.

- Played the Boulevard...

- What about Jersey? The Stagecoach...

- Lamplighters.

- Riviera, Bill Miller's.

Look how far you have to go. You went

to Washington. I went to Baltimore.

- You gotta have good tyres to work today.

- Or a good car.

The first impressin I did,

I went to see The Seventh Veil.

I didn't want to become an impressionist.

I was trying to develop an English accent.

The idea of impersonating James Mason

was the furthest thing from my mind.

Out came this impressin and

I've been doing impressions ever since.

- But this thing is all in the mask, right?

- And then I did Picasso for a few weeks.

You know the first time

I saw you do Mason?

It was backstage at the Sullivan show.

You were brilliant.

I was there with Danny Rose.

Remember Danny Rose?

He was handling an actor - the manager -

and a one-legged tap-dancer.

It was his normal handling.

Danny Rose. Yeah. Oh, he's the best.

May I say one word? Might I just interject

one concept at this juncture?

You're lookin' for somebody

for Memorial Day weekend.

My blind xylophone player, OK?

The man would be perfect for your room.

- Ah, forget it.

- Philly, will you please hear me out?

The man is a beautiful man.

He's a fantastic individual.

My hotel gets old Jewish people.

They're blind.

- They ain't gonna pay to see a blind guy.

- So forget that, then.

How about Herbie Jayson's birds?

Herbie Jayson's birds.

They're little birds. They peck tunes out

on a piano. It's a beautiful thing.

What about my one-legged tap-dancer?

Take him for a weekend.

- All right, my one-armed juggler.

- Not for my hotel!

All right, what about Lou Canova,

my Italian singer? He'd be great.

Lou Canova's a dumb, fat, temperamental

has-been with a drinking problem.

Jesus! What about Eddie Clark's penguin?

Eddie Clark and his penguin.

The penguin skates on the stage dressed

as a rabbi. It's hilarious. He's got a beard.

I'll tell you what, give me Sonny Chase.

He's the best act you got.

- He's fast, he's funny.

- I don't handle Sonny any more.

Since when?

It's a long story. I discovered the kid.

He slept on my sofa. I supported him.

I don't wanna bad-mouth the kid, but

he's a horrible, dishonest, immoral louse.

- And I say that with all due respect.

- I know, Danny.

- They get a little success and leave you.

- That's my point! Believe me, Philly...

...if I had all the acts in this business that

I started that made it, I'd be a rich man.

I'd like to help, but Weinstein's Majestic

Bungalow Colony is a classy place.

- I need a classy act.

- I wanna show you this lady.

She is the Jascha Heifetz

of this instrument. She is something.

You gotta see this, Philly. It's incredible.

Never took a lesson. This is self-taught.

Next year, Philly, my hand to God,

she's gonna be at Carnegie Hall.

But you, I'll let you have her now

at the old price, OK?

Which is anything you wanna give me,

anything at all.

- I remember that woman.

- You have never seen acts like this.

This guy would work his tail off

for these acts.

If he believed in an act,

he would go all out.

Danny, my partner wants me

to open up with the dachshund...

...but I think I should open up

with the swan or the giraffe.

The swan is pretty and it fascinates the

people. Or... have an animal of this type.

I think your partner's right. Open up with

the dachshund and build to the giraffe.

Close with the giraffe

cos it's got more impact.

Really?

If you take my advice, you'll be one of

the great balloon-folding acts of all time.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Woody Allen

Heywood "Woody" Allen is an American actor, comedian, filmmaker, and playwright, whose career spans more than six decades. more…

All Woody Allen scripts | Woody Allen Scripts

3 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "Broadway Danny Rose" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/broadway_danny_rose_4713>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Browse Scripts.com

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.