Bo Burnham: what. Page #2

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Yeah, yeah, yeah

But you all thought

it was an accident

But he meant to play the water

track again-gain-gain

Art's still alive,

nothing's still real

- Food jokes.

Let's do some food jokes.

Segues are weird.

I had a hot dog

for breakfast today,

and afterwards

I felt like this...

'cause I couldn't control

my stools.

All right, Jesus.

Glad you like poop-based puns.

That'll be a majority

of the show.

Never waste a moment.

Every moment can become

a comedic moment.

See? So just a little lesson

for comedians.

This first song is called

A World on Fire.

[screaming]

This next song, it's a little

bit longer than that one, and--

Thank you.

It's about how sad I am,

and I'm really sad.

And it's called Sad.

[melancholy music]

It's about all the sad stuff.

Just picture a depressed onion

cutting itself.

[whimpers]

I met a homeless man

named Rich

[laughter]

Isn't that terrible?

I saw a flyer for a lost dog

And the dog didn't have

any legs

I saw a diabetic kid

Trick-or-treating

I saw a giraffe

who had a short neck

That was sad or a deer

I saw an old man

get hit by a train

He didn't see it

in the pouring rain

He didn't hear me shout,

"Look out for the train."

'Cause I didn't say anything.

I just thought to myself,

"Ooh, this is gonna be sad."

And it was.

I'm a genius.

[whimpers]

I saw a man

with only one eye

In a 3-D movie

I saw a little boy

drop his ice cream cone

Directly

on his mother's corpse

I saw a kitten

stuck in a tree

Then the kitten jumped off,

and he hung itself

I saw a boy

who had red hair

I went to a store

looking for something to buy

But they only sold paintings

of the same sad guy

No, wait

This store sells mirrors

See what I did there?

Let's rock!

No.

The world's so sad, bros.

Pain, genocide, war,

sexism, racism.

But I got to remember there's

good things about it too...

like the fact that

none of that's happening to me.

Score.

Still, though, it's hard

not to be sad about it.

How do y'all do it?

I've been telling you guys

terribly sad things

this whole song.

You haven't been sad at all.

You've been--

you've been happy.

No, you've been laughing.

That's it.

Laughter--it's the key

to everything.

It's the way to solve

all the sadness in the world.

I mean, not for the people

that are actually sad

but the people like us

that got to f***ing deal

with them all the time.

Being a comedian isn't being

an insensitive prick,

capitalizing on the most

animalistic impulses

of the public.

It's being a hero.

The world isn't sad.

The world's funny.

I'm a sociopath.

I saw an old man

slip and fall

Hey, what a f***ing idiot

I saw a woman

at her daughter's funeral

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